I had to learn to love from a distance

So quick to judge how others move
I’m just sitting learning to live life
With nothing prove
Its hurts me to know the ones I love
Aren’t near
But it’s hurts me more when I’m alone wiping my tears
Pride isn’t my heart
And neither is malice
So when you talk about me
Understand I was challenged
To either become a victim to selfish ways
Or become victor and enjoy my days
So I decided to Stay the same ,
Respect the ones that embrace change
Respect the ones that don’t live in vain
Or cry everyone but me
needs to change
Reflecting is hardest part of this journey and so is being a slave to worry
I refuse to worry about those who don’t worry about me
Or cry out loud , does anyone see ???
We need to value life
And smile just cause we breathe
Even through heart ache and misery
Financial difficulties , abandonment
are you getting me?
Nah , it’s probably to hard for you to see ,
See , but nothing was handed to me , I fought to breathe , fought to see , fought to change the things that weren’t working for me
That’s why I don’t judge anyone for their ways , I respect the process and let god lead the way …

By Rachel Shundari Ullah

THE NEW ME

I am a Woman
Full of strength
Dignity, integrity and faith
Try to step on my toes
You’ll see
I’ll sit back and
Patiently wait
And let God deal with your ways
I won’t prey on your downfall
I’ll pray he shows you the way
Humble you and make you better
Then yesterday
Trust me
My ways have changed
In the past
I would have
Emotionally vented
And let you feel my pain
I was capable
Of being cold-hearted
Didn’t have to force it
With no remorse in my heart
Because you caused it
But you’re not worth my words
Or my actions
Because hate no longer
Runs through my veins
Don’t get it twisted,
I’m not a push over
Just too mature
For these immature ways….

Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah ©

ALL CRIED OUT

Broken hearted
Tears no longer In my eyes
My thoughts are Streaming down my face
I’m losing hope
Humiliated
Losing faith
Feeling Abandoned
Alone
Having to figure Life out Once again
I rather you keep it real
But you choose
To play with my Heart instead
I closed my eyes long enough
I had enough
I held you down
You pierced my heart Time and time again
Now all I see
Is the reminder
Memories playing
Over and over again
You cheated
You denied
You even cried
And said what I heard was lies
Pictures we took
Remind me of a disguise
Keep it real
Confusion, pain and hurt
Is the only Thing
You consistently provide
All the times I let shit fly
Don’t be mad
My tears, finally running dry
And it’s my time to shine….

Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah ©

Dear Shooter

Dear shooter ,
Blood stains left
on the sidewalks
Body bags
Yellow tape
Why don’t think about the consequences
You’re going to have to face
Or the families
that’s you’re
effecting everyday
What made you live like this
Is it because
what you’ve been through
I’m not talking in the streets
I’m speaking of internal pain
, the unseen , the pain that creeps
I’m talking about the trauma
that stood with you
And today triggers
your emotions
I’m talking
about the money you never had
before you started flaunting
I’m talking about the
power you never felt
Until you held gun
in your hand
I’m talking about emotionally
venting because
You believe
know one will understand
Is it self-defense
that made you take it so far
Or is you never thinking you
Would do Any harm .
Did you black out thinking about
All the things you allowed in the past
Are you not scared to die
because
You don’t realize
this to shall pass
Are you tired fighting
And screaming out for attention
Or
Are you trying to prove a point
while
no one listens
What’s is it
Let’s get to the bottom this
Don’t be ashamed to mention
What it is I haven’t mentioned …..

By Rachel Shundari Ullah

I see you Queen

I see you Queen
you have dreams
Even after
you seen
what should be
the unseen
I’m sorry society
let you down
And the women
you should be able
to look up to
don’t own their crowns
And some men that
are fathers walk around
Looking like clowns
Smoking L’s on the block
So You can’t help
but stare
People fiending
looking at you
Asking you for
what you can spare
Young Kings
not caring
about anything
but what they hear or see
Like Cars ,guns , drugs , Money , hoes
and anything that blings
Liquor store on the corner
A vicious cycle
of
Children failed
But I see you Queen
you’re prepared
Knowledge and wisdom
at this age
Only teaches you
how to do things a better way
This letter I wrote is for you
I’m passing on these jewels
because I’ve seen
what should have been the unseen too
Dear Queen ,
I see life in your eyes ,
You’re capable of being a leader
Don’t let the life
you live cheat you
Remember your worth
And life is a game
Chess , I call it
My pawn
Are the lames
You’re a winner ,
checkmate
Game over
No longer
Moving with frauds
You know the ones that act
Like they have it all together
No job , no educations
but every Jordan to
whether the weather
No goals set
But Queen
don’t fail to remember
You have choice
The lessons that
Will be taught
and the
consequences to
you may have to face
Think about it
It shouldn’t be hard
it’s life or death
staring you in your face ….

Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah

Never Broken 

Broken , Me ? get the best of me ? 

Trust me 

That’s something 

you’ll never see 

You think 

I would allow your 

manipulative ways 

To suffocate me ? 

You must be crazy 

See the minute you met me 

you should of did your homework 

really got to know me 

A damsel in distress

 Not me 

I’ll stay lonely before you get me to cry you a river 

A soul like mine 

will eat a soul like yours for dinner 

I’m no intentional sinner 

But your coming for my heart  

You’re a soul digger 

I’m about spiritually pull the trigger 

Heart wrenching , soul searching , 

Hiding truths

You won’t even let your eyes penetrate mine 

Your probably scared , terrified 

See you’re not built to go to war with a woman like me . Spiritually , mentally , even physically you couldn’t hang with me . 

the minute your eyes were on me 

You called it distraction 

probably 

Scared of being with a main attraction. 

A Queen that deserves more than a fraction 

Of who you are today 

A “boy “to a prince not yet a King … that’s why you don’t know how to embrace a Queen like me …                                                           

   
By Rachel Shundari Ullah … 

Fatherless Boy to a MAN

So many things
I never wanted you to face
Like the insecurity
that lied within me
Or the fear of failure
Not being able to see
It hurts to feel your pain
I pray to god he leads the way
I know you can be so many things
But I must remember
You’re just a fatherless child
trying to
Find your way
Nd learning how to become a man
in a cold world
People not caring about
You
You feel like
your left out the loop
Trying to do things
the right way
Slipped up a few times
but that’s just learning life the hard way
Stressed out
Looking at the rest
of the world
Like they have it all together
But there are levels to this
seasons change my son
always remember
Your time has come
and things will get better
Seeing clearer
Wanting more
Being a boss
is what’s on your mind
So you follow
then lead
wake up
and grind
With big plans
on your mind
I can see it now
All your dreams
coming true
The Words you speak
Are your truth
With Actions
to show and prove
Moving like
you have something to lose
Learning to communicate
without placing blAme
Priorities in order
You’re all about change
Thinking about
what’s next
Staying focused
Tired of being
second best
In your head
So level #1
is the Level You chose
Forgetting about everyone
that has forgotten about you ….

By Rachel Shundari Ullah

Bring HIP HOP Back

God where are you
Confusion traveling
down my face
I’m just a child
I’m silently
crying out
Why me , why me
Watching my mother cry
Because my father
Believes there’s no other way
We are Surrounded by poverty
nowhere to turn
So I run the streets with hopes
of the most high
giving me a turn
Special handshakes
Remind me of what
I Never Want to be
My SPIRIT is crying out
please save me
Waking down the street
Watching everybody fight To eat
I’m starting to feel
like the devils meat
Until I hear a sound that makes
my heart skip a beat
Music is my soul provider
And dancing becomes my sanity
Music brings
the community together
it’s called unity
Looking for peace
Something the politicians
Hate to see
They rather see
Parents hearts that bleed
Faith lost
Family and friends
lost by the sword
My freedom of expression
becomes my voice
Hip Hop is my prayer
I am Praying for peace
spiritually
But God doesn’t seem to hear me
So I take it to a new level
Fall to my knees
And pray that God intervenes
Dear God ,
I’ve lost faith the devil
is showing me so much pain ,
I don’t know where to go
Teach me your ways
Dancing and music
Take the pain away
But lord I believe there’s another way
I don’t only want you to save me
I want you to restore faith

By Rachel Shundari Ullah