The devil is a liar !!!

Have you ever sat back a listened to your phone ring for hours
with hopes that it would stop ringing because the shame you felt was so indescribable and you needed help ,
have you ever cried all night looking at your phone hoping it will ring because you needed help .
It’s funny how depression plays tricks on you .
You think the ones you love are for you and the ones that want to be around you are against you .
What I realized was the ones I wanted be around didn’t know the real me
so I was able to front like I had it all together
meanwhile I was falling apart .
The ones that new me , really knew me and seen the mess I was so I didn’t want that reality check so I pushed it away .
I didn’t want the truth to shine because after all this time you think I would have had my shit in line .
Depression is the devil in itself .
It takes your joy away and replenish your pain .
You can’t see the bigger because your mind is cluttered with the things that happened to you or what you did others .
So you can’t see beyond guilt so you overcompensate with hopes that the next person will see something in you that you truly don’t even see in yourself
or you choose to be around people who need exactly what you need help .
Someone you can relate to because you don’t want to face the mirror or change your ways
and it’s easier to stay the same .
What I realized was the hardest battle I fought was fighting myself looking in the mirror and changing everything that I had to change within myself
so I could be a better mother and woman .
I needed to stop looking for validation from the world
I needed to stop clinging on to the things that hurt me in the past
I had to see beyond the pain and fight harder than I ever fought .
I needed to stop making excuses and telling lies .
I had to finally face all my demons head on ….
I finally sleep through the night , I’m at peace . My demons no longer suffocate me or pull on me in my sleep my demons are dead cause I killed them the day I faced them !!! Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah ©

Alone by choice …

I remember sitting alone
I remember the phone ringing
I remember not picking up
I remember crying alone
I remember dying inside
I remember praying to God
That he cleanses my eyes
Now I see clear , God please tell me this isn’t happening again
I did all I could I do but my heart is trapped
I can’t get away from my past how long will this pain last .
The abuse the hurt all these feelings I’m scared ,looking around and no one is there .the phone is ringing and I’m not picking up , I’m all alone life isn’t fair . I can’t believe no body cares , The phone stops ringing …I should have picked up . Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah ©