Blueprint ….

Don’t remember my face
for it will forever remain the same .
Remember everything I once was too you
and all I gave
remember a soul
that you will forever miss , remember my mind
and what It initially thought about you ,
Remember all the simple things I loved and how I was true
and once you remember all of that remember how you didn’t even really take the time get to know me ,
so you never had a clue …
Now your lost
and confused ,
But I told you how
I would move .
I’m willing to
Own where I fell short
If you’re willing to admit you pushed me away
Playing all the manipulative mind games you play
Your passive aggressive ways
No longer leads the way
I’m tired of bowing down
to make you feel complete
When your words strip me
A make me feel like whore in
the street
You question my character like you can’t see
A little cleavage doesn’t mean I give my love away easy
Maybe it means I feel sexy today
Or maybe it makes feel slimmer then yesterday
your nasty words tell me what you think of me
Like I don’t have dignity
And I don’t carry myself with respect
Social media don’t mean Shit to me
Do you see me showing my ass for likes
I’m showing dinner that was right on time
and I love my family more than life
It’s hard to count you in
When you constantly count me out
The words you say change your face
I’m learning to block everything you say
My music is speaking words you should be listening too
But your running around looking for a clue
Verbally Communicating I tried to do
That phone in your hand tells the truth
You should have taken the time to read the blueprint I gave to you … Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah

Music on blast

Music on blast
so I don’t have to remember
my past
or why my all my relationships didn’t last .
Was I caught up with all that I did
or was it I was never appreciated . Or maybe I never choose a man that held his ground
or hung around
to watch me raise
my kids so molded them
the way I saw fit .
With class morals and respect .
I think back when I was younger and no matter
where life took my mother
their was other .
Her style , finess and oh boy the way she dressed ,
she turned heads
while she thought she was impressing the best
the best ended her on the streets ..:and the streets
loved her more then she loved she .
So she hugged block ,
thinking she was being nursed back to health ,
but really she was loosing more of herself ,
She was a beast
who love to feast
off of people
who mistreated her in the streets
or loving the ones that couldn’t hurt her
that was part of her guard being up loving man
that couldn’t help .
Never being alone was her way of feeling alive
even if she had to sacrifice the love for her kids
and all that she is
so she held her head high
while she sucked that glass stick
and acted like all these changes passed me by
but I witnessed all the lies ,
I know there’s so much more to you
so stop lying about your demons hiding I feel them peeking showing their eyes and and changing your heart this wasn’t you from the very start .

Life beat me
and suffocated me with pain and disappointments
so I had no choice but to go with the flow and excepted misfortune
and taught myself how to live and promised myself I would never sacrifice my kids for the love a man or a drugs I can’t stand
Even though I didn’t know God had different Plans
I swear I wanted to do things different

I wanted to to take the world by its horns and show my wings and do my best to show my kids the opposite of what i was taught

But I allowed myself to feel the agony ,
pain and disappointment.. fist of fury felt familar and so did the weed burning in the room .
The lack of love reminding me of home as I cried alone .
And my kids watched from afar and became my confidant .
It was harder for them then I thought no man ever followed through with what they were taught …
the world tried to teach me and my kids defeat
but my fight
always landed me on my feet .
I thank god
I am where I need to be , because my kids have hope
I believe their learning to pray and no matter what we go through we will be ok
all glory goes to God
I can’t water it down .
There ‘s no other reason Im still around … Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah

Microwave Love …

cooking in the kitchen
the aroma of love
that makes my eyes glisten
Hands making love to the pot
Until you get home
Sharing my heart
with the one I love
is something I yearn for
Clinging to a familiar touch
Understanding time shows the truth
Waiting as my eyes get heavy
Hoping my food taste the same
when I heat it up
It sucks to feel like
no matter my efforts
I’m waiting for a heart
that’s focused on everything
but me .
First on your priority
list is you
feeding you like a king
when you treat me like a
A woman that doesn’t
deserve to reign
You think by now
I learn my lesson
Things never change
But I’m sure
the minute you show up
I’ll rise to the occasion
fix your plate
love on you even
though I’m second guessing
If this is the kind of love
I want
knowing
I deserve more
Like someone who puts me on a pedestal and praise me like never before
Why do I show my face
to one whose heart
is so far away .
Who has me waiting
like I’m second place
I don’t know if this
is what I want to do .
So the next time
I’ll continue to cook for me
and won’t worry about you .
Because my love left in the microwave
is not cool !!!. Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah

Can you handle me ?

You ask me if I can handle you
I told you the truth
Keep it real with me
and I’ll keep it real with you
I’ll support your dreams
if we’re on the same team
But the minute you start acting funny
I won’t yell and scream
I’ll just fall back
after I tell you
Respectfully what’s on my mind
Like why isn’t time now on our side
But by now your caught up and won’t tell me about your sins
I told you I would never judge
your ways
Just be honest
and I’ll never throw it
in your face
But you’re slowly fading away
The words you say
seems like a vicious game you play
So that bag you bought me
holds no weight
Or holding me close or looking me
in my eyes
licking your lips
Calling this life
I can’t live your truth
while I’m living a lie
My heart is slowly dying inside
I don’t look at you like I use to
My heart doesn’t skip a beat
when our eyes meet
Because what comes out your mouth is lies and deceit
Am I sleeping with the enemy
or do my eyes deceive me
Phone rings ,
I’m faced with the truth
But I can careless because at this point I don’t even love you
I have my life to tend to
So I’ll be on my way
just remember I wanted to stay
And I prayed to God he change
Your ways
But I can no longer put up with
Uncontrollable ways … Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah

Keep smiling

I smile through the nonsense , and laugh through the pain
I’m only able to do that
cause I have faith
God is paving my way
teaching me how to love life
Learning how to dismiss the
Things that take away from
The person I am
Believing even the bad
is in gods plan
The devil does its best to change the way you think
So you must dig deep
and don’t allow your thoughts submit
To anything but peace
Feeling cheated , left alone , forgotten
Don’t let it trigger
your thoughts
Do your best to fight harder than before
Sometimes your phone
will be dry
and emotions will run high
Those are temporary emotions
Let that shit fly
Never allow your heart to get the better of your mind
Forcing someone to get who you are is not life
Hold your ground don’t feed into your emotions
The only thing that will do is make you lose focus
So maybe today didn’t go your way and tomorrow may not either
But trust me the rest of your days will depend on how you handle today .
There are consequences behind words that you say
or the words
you should never say .
So breathe and don’t let the devil get his way
He just wants to add heart ache and pain . Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah

Pain washed away

I’m backed to being focused
I was wrapped up in my emotions
I’m back and ready to reach for the stars
While I’m enjoying the blessings before me
Blue waters
Life no longer passing me
by
Loving life
Even the days
And nights I lay alone
It shows me more
What I want
The simple things
but nothing basic
Passion brings my heart
to life
Watching family
as time made all grow
Watching my loved
ones become
their own
Living with purpose
as the wind blows fast
the sun disappears
Waves crash
Sky becomes dark
But I’m no longer afraid
So I dance in the rain …
My pain is gone I’ve been longing for this day
It hurts so much less thinking about the ones the never stayed
This is who I am
Living life free
Finally learning to love me all of me
Never reminded again of the things that use to be me … Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah

Do unto others …

God planned this from my moms womb
All the scars ,
tattoos
he left me with
so much to do
Being hurt lied too
And manipulated too
feeling like a fool
I didn’t even know God was giving me all the necessary tools
So I can excel in life
Know how to fight
Sometimes not being able to sleep at night
Was God telling me his
Truth
Like ..wake up
or I’m going to take
your life from you
Stop trying to show world
You have it all together
I’m going to humble and force
you to get your life together
Can’t you see the picture
I trusted you from birth
All that hurt
I’m going to turn it into victory
And make it look like light work
I know the truth
I know your heart
I know the fight
you put up from the very start
I know you cried
I wiped your tears
When you wanted give up
I know life messed you up
I sorry that choose you
neglected
Battered ,
abused
But I seen potential in you
You have a purpose
and I’m going to use you
to do good
That body I’m building is not of the world
it’s of a spirit that understands
my truth
Do unto others as you have the then do unto you . Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah

Underdog winning …

Underdogs winning
karmas catching
up to you .
You treated me like a woman
That didn’t deserve you
But now you see
the progress
and who I always been
While your being faced
with your poor choices
and deceit
You didn’t see me
until
I looked a certain way
Now you want to be
all up in my face
Meanwhile I’m exactly the same
But this time around
I have more sense
I would never settle
for less than my best
So my love
my best was never you
I was a jaded
as you
The difference with me
is I never preyed on innocent souls
You never thought
My mind
or way a life
would surpass a women
that had things handed to her
and gave to you
So as I sit back and think ,
I thank god for bringing me to my knees and holding a mirror to my face
when I felt incomplete
teaching me more about myself
As I was learning to breathe .
I’m challenged daily , but today I can see .
I can see clearer
then what you think of me
Look at me the underdog bringing
Heat to the table
You didn’t think
I was able
Or maybe you thought
my mind wasn’t stable
because the life I lead
Now I’m putting mirror
to your face
what does it feel
like to be faced with your demons
I’m exactly who I always said
A woman who never bowed
to the thought of defeat …
It’s been real ,
but I have no interest
in being with a creep . Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah

Today belongs to you !!!

Yes ,I know it’s Mothers Day
but I’m going to put a twist
on today .
I believe kids should be recognized
on this day
So as a mother today
I want to thank my kids
for at times dealing with my inconsistent ways
at times I fed you the
germs that lingered
from my childhood
The fear of loss , the fear failure ,
fear being of being left alone
Scared to watch you grow
I want to thank my kids
for always fighting even
when I didn’t share my truth
I want thank my kids for celebrating me on a day that really belongs to you
I’m just doing
what real mothers do
Taking care of your heart
and protecting soul
Never letting go
And putting you before me
As all mothers should do .
So today I want thank my kids
for dealing with all my shit
and Challenging me to
always to become
a better me
I want to thank my kids
For never giving in
And continuing to fight
When things didn’t go
as planned
This day belongs to you
after all the things I subconsciously put you through … Thank you for all you do and never forget , I love you …Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah

Cleansed eyes

Cleansed eyes …..
I can’t compromise my spirit
to benefit your soul
I cleansed myself
of all tainted energies
I seen the signs
You think your
love is blind
But I can see
through your eyes
your jaded ways
can longer
cloud my ways
Or take away
from my heart
I told you
who I was
from the start
Lie , never did I
Cried a river until it ran dry
Love is blind they say
but not in my eyes
How many times
does one have to cry
Cry to be heard
and understood
You know you were
up to no good
But your heart
wouldn’t tell the truth
You must have thought
I was the Devils food
Nd not a child of God
And he would let me
die in vain
And he wouldn’t
release the pain
Or let me see your face
the true you
Not the mask you wear
or who you pretend to be
I seen it in your eyes
Envy ,
hate ,
jealousy ,
pain
hiding your Shame
playing mind games
Like I’m the one
that needed to change …
Love is blind in your eyes
but in my eyes love never existed … Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah