So many things
I never wanted you to face
Like the insecurity
that lied within me
Or the fear of failure
Not being able to see
It hurts to feel your pain
I pray to god he leads the way
I know you can be so many things
But I must remember
You’re just a fatherless child
Find your way
Nd learning how to become a man
in a cold world
People not caring about
You feel like
your left out the loop
Trying to do things
the right way
Slipped up a few times
but that’s just learning life the hard way
Looking at the rest
of the world
Like they have it all together
But there are levels to this
seasons change my son
Your time has come
and things will get better
Being a boss
is what’s on your mind
So you follow
With big plans
on your mind
I can see it now
All your dreams
The Words you speak
Are your truth
to show and prove
you have something to lose
Learning to communicate
without placing blAme
Priorities in order
You’re all about change
Tired of being
In your head
So level #1
is the Level You chose
Forgetting about everyone
that has forgotten about you ….
By Rachel Shundari Ullah
Yes ,I know it’s Mothers Day
but I’m going to put a twist
on today .
I believe kids should be recognized
on this day
So as a mother today
I want to thank my kids
for at times dealing with my inconsistent ways
at times I fed you the
germs that lingered
from my childhood
The fear of loss , the fear failure ,
fear being of being left alone
Scared to watch you grow
I want to thank my kids
for always fighting even
when I didn’t share my truth
I want thank my kids for celebrating me on a day that really belongs to you
I’m just doing
what real mothers do
Taking care of your heart
and protecting soul
Never letting go
And putting you before me
As all mothers should do .
So today I want thank my kids
for dealing with all my shit
and Challenging me to
always to become
a better me
I want to thank my kids
For never giving in
And continuing to fight
When things didn’t go
This day belongs to you
after all the things I subconsciously put you through … Thank you for all you do and never forget , I love you …Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah
Hey you with your pants hanging so low
You couldn’t tell if life is moving fast or slow
Cause your stuck in your ways
You even stop praying for change
You let the streets dictate your ways
And you hope your words make a way
you treat your Queen like
She doesn’t deserve to be heard
After she serve your food and cleans the house
Take care of the kids
And helps your family out
You get mad when she takes care of herself or ask for help
You left her alone in more ways than one
Emotionally , physically and spiritually she’s sick
Because she’s loving a man
That won’t help her with shit
God forbid you help
with the kids or
Lift a finger or clean a dish
She’s all over all the love you give behind four walls
After all she does
Don’t you think She deserves more
Then what your body does
And if you don’t no worries time will show her the way
And the love you give will no
Longer ease her pain . Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah
You broke my kids heart
, how can I change their heart to get past all your lies
and all the things you did .
I understand you have to survive but when will you take the time and teach your son how to be a real man
or show your daughter true love of a man .
I’m fighting to teach my kids a love I never had myself .
Please I need some help .
When will you think about them who cares about me ,
I’m not even asking you for money .
I’m just asking for you to spend some time , don’t you see
Until I watch you live in vain as I live in pain .
I’m so disgusted by your ways
How can you smile while my kids fight to heard
And me living clueless
cause a love I never learned .
This is driving my heart to a point
Of no return
I told you truth ,
while you told lies
And you enjoyed life
While I was fighting to survive
How can I make this right
This life I’m living isn’t right
So God intervenes and teaches me a love I never seen . Please believe in he ..
original by Rachel Shundari Ullah ©
🙏🏾💪🏽My back hurts
My feet are sore
My legs are burning from moving so fast
I just want this time to pass
So I can put food in my house or maybe take my kids on a vacation
Unfortunately that’s not how the world is built
when you have no help
While you don’t care about a child that has your smile or walks like you
Do you even know all we go through
Or how hard it is
The struggle is real
and you’re not here
Birthdays passed , Holidays gone , Graduation day imagine such a special day and your face is so far away
When will you think about how you’re affecting your kids
Or is it to difficult to face the truth
So you continue to do what you do
So you Take another hit make another sale
Who cares about the mother of your child
Or your kids
Do you think that’s fair ?
You left me alone to do this by myself
I even had to ask people for help
And even though some didn’t come through
I’m not mad they have their own life to tend to
It’s your responsibility
you’re their father
Biologically that is
Definitely not their Daddy
Do you even have a clue
I taught them the best I knew
I cried , screamed and fought
I never threw your name in the dirt
I did my best to understand your hurt
But you took advantage of my heart
You exposed our children to your life
you loved your money over your seeds .
While you pushed them aside
In and out of their life for so many years not thinking about their tears
Eye contact with my daughter no
Words that were heard
Rolled up with my son and laughed hysterically about the past
Invited my son your journey
Did you think God was going to
Let that pass
So while I wiped tears and explained the truth
The wrath of God was catching
Up to you
So he placed you back where you belong
And God willing this time you’ll realize you were wrong !!! Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah
Where did my peace go ,
I want it back
the energy I gave , I want it back , no longer can I save the day .
I want my peace back . I don’t have all the answers and I make mistakes .
I have faith in God in all that I do that’s my secret .
I need to be around positive things can’t you see that .
I’m tired of watching everyone sink ,
I need to get away and isolate myself from selfish ways and people who claim they know me so well .
I want my peace back .
Let me cry alone and get stronger than before .
You can’t stop my heart from beating but I have to stop myself from getting cheated from what I deserve
and I deserve to be heard and respected .
How you live your life is your choice
your pain is yours my pain is mine .
But I can’t sit back and be a product of your environment anymore .
This love inside of me doesn’t deserve to be ignored or taking for granted or forgotten or hurt .
I deserve to live I deserve to feel alive .
I don’t want to let one day pass me by.
I took advantage of life before
I can no longer do that anymore .
I want my peace back ,
I want to smell the food cooking in the kitchen
I want to see the smiles on my kids face
I want them to never again feel like they’ve been replaced .
If you don’t want to give me my peace
I’ll take it a run
so don’t push me in a corner after all I’ve done .
I told you before
how I did things
trust me this isn’t going to be fun .
So don’t call my bluff just trust my words and please let me go about my life and become a woman who tells her truth and teaches young girls, young boys , woman and men . What they go through, isn’t the end !!!! Original Rachel Shundari Ullah ©
I moved so many times thinking I was running away from certain situations and although the situations I was running from were not healthy I had to realize neither was I .
I was hurt and confused the things I dealt with as a child followed me .
Being neglected and forgotten hurt me but it felt familiar so I accepted it .
Being hit and spoken to a certain way hurt but I remembered those feelings , so I felt at home .
Being touched by a man who didn’t love me but lusted me felt comfortable . The weed burning in the room as my kids slept seemed ok because they were not aware .
But the truth was I felt safe because I was “home “.
The home I knew since I was a little girl . The only home I knew .
The aroma of food cooking in the day and the hate of self at night .
How could I balance such a life , but I did .
Because I had no choice . I had two children that expected nothing from me and accepted everything .
It was unfair to subconsciously do exactly what I was taught .
Not realizing down the line it would affect my kids .
I now understand living like a gypsy instilled fear in my children a sense of loss , not being able to get close to anyone , never truly knowing who they were because as their mother conformed to so many lifestyles as they followed my lead . And they ended up as confused as I .
Although not planned,
it was inevitable .
My children both graduated High School on time I thank god for that because the things they dealt with would have gave me every excuse not to do well .
My words meant well but my actions and the men I choose contradicted everything I claim to stand for . Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah ©
All alone I feel is their anyone that would ever keep it real and care about me and all things I think about and how I see . Will anyone ever be there to take care of me and my kids treat them the way I do . Will anyone ever take the time to know my heart from the very start and I see all that I do… my point is misunderstood
Maybe I would stop crying
If you heard what I had to say
I can’t do this any more
I just want to run away
My heart is broken
I’m so tired of fighting
When will you fight for me
I can’t do this anymore
I have to leave
My life matters . obviously more than you think of me .
I can’t stick around waiting for you understand me
I have to leave and do what’s best for me
I’m learning to love all of me
I’m learning to see a lot more clearly
I need more than what you give to me
If you’re not willing to fight
I guess I’ll have to fight for me .
I’m sorry I can’t do this anymore
How long did you expect this from me .
My love is real
I can no longer give you all of me …
I deserve to lie in the arms of a man
That deserves me
I’m so much more than what the world sees in me .
I’m sorry I have to go , I have to do this for me…. Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah ©
You can’t catch me I’m on gods speed all the things you think you’re going to do to me .
I’m going to catch you off guard
and put a monkey wrench in your heart .
And then your going to feel agony of a single mother and her heart .
Feeling alone doing all I can all I can do to be nothing like you .
So I over compensate and love so hard with hopes to fill the void in my children’s heart.
You come around on your terms and try to instill your germs and your habits
and pretend you understand and act like I want to teach you how to be a man
” or trust in me daughter let me teach you how a man should treat you .
Mean while I see through you ,
what you do hurts my heart
I wish I could take the knife out my back
and pierce through your heart
then slowly tear you apart and leave you only to your thoughts and your remains and pray that God can take away your pain … By Rachel Shundari Ullah ©
Time for you to see the real me not all you wanted me to be .
I’m a woman who stands her ground while she wears her crown ,
step up or step down .
I hope you don’t think I’m going to always be around
waiting on you to change your moods or think about all that I do .
Thinking it’s all about you , what about me don’t you think I deserve love to .
Forget about you for a minute stop and listen to the rhythm in my heart what it beats for is clearly different . How can you say you’re in love when you clearly don’t understand my unique ways .
Am I to passive with things I say or would you rather me in your face screaming to get my point across
or would do you want me to belittle and degrade you by yelling and screaming you need to change ,
I’m not going to take it to that level nor dance with the devil . Maybe I’m to healthy for you
maybe you’re not ready for the truth maybe you need to feel alive so you need to feel pain in order to remember you’re still breathing …
I wanted to be your breath of fresh air but I’m clearly feeling like I’m here for a reason or maybe a season prayed for a lifetime but not the way you have me feeling .
So step up or step down what do you want to do step up or step down it’s all on you …
You have me feeling like a fool living without a clue
when it comes to you remembering all the things you said
adding the shit up in my head . So now I realize your words are true
but your heart was broken before so you don’t really know how to go about my truth .
So you take a different route as I continue to do without not knowing if your going to figure this out .
So you keep your guard and hold your ground and hope that no one ever sticks around ..
but what about love what about life what about time that’s passing u by . I can’t tell you any lies this is something I can’t disguise … may be I’m wrong for what I say
and if I am I won’t stand in your way
I just want you to understand what I feel cause my feelings are nothing less than real . So take the time and read this slow and maybe you’ll find out something you didn’t know … Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah ©