If you’re curious !

God in me is what you see
I don’t have a fancy whip
And all the things you may think
But my heart is strong and I
Always put up a fight
to excel In Life
Pushing my self harder each time
So when I smile
and laugh about life
I’m dealing with things
that are still not right
But the God in me
is what you see
Assuming I have
all material things
Don’t get me wrong
I love nice things
But those are not
the things that define me
So the god in me
allows you see
I don’t need
material things
To make me
say I’m happy
The God in me
is happy to be
living spiritually free ,
not bounded by the things
that take away from me .
The God in me
Loves my neighbor
like God loves me .
The God in me
see good in all
Never praying on
anyone’s downfall
Even if you did me wrong
The God in me
wants the world to be free
of all things
that use to take away from me
Like depression ,
anger ,
frustration ,
bitterness ,
envy ,
pride ,
ego ,
pain
not letting anyone close to me
or able to see the real me
Scared to say
I use to hurt and feel pain
the God in me
wants everyone to see
walking in faith
isn’t as crazy it seems
The God in me
is what makes me glow
it’s not man
or a situation
that stole the show
It’s the God in
It can only be
For It was he
Who I screamed
lord what do you want from me
He says tell the truth
and you will
See
Well here it is
It was he who
was there ,
when no one else was
It was his voice
I heard say
don’t you give up
It was he who said your
finally free
And it was me
who chose to give all glory to he
So if your curious
about what it is about me .
It’s the God in me … Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah

I prayed that day …

This hurt confusion and pain please take it away the devil is trying to place condemnation in my face .
I need to step away from anyones that pain can’t fade away .
Life is only in my way
if I don’t want to change .
It hurts to stay the same
God please release the pain .
I thought I choose the best
I guess this was gods test
to see if my heart stop fighting for my kids while I had pain in my chest ,
I need to run away .
I can no longer own this the pain
it hurts too much ,
can you feel it in my touch .
I don’t want no more of this
I prayed to God that day
, and asked for angels to guide me to the right place ,
I feel free today
the pain fade away
and my hearts beats the same
. I need love today
someone
who takes the place of a man that’s heart is so far away .
I cooked dinner today
do you want a plate
, I hate that you don’t even listen to a word I say .
Can we get along after all this time
I’m not doing fine
I need your time
But your heart is far away
And you’re fading away
You’re not everything that you said you would be
Depression takes over me
It was only a matter of time
This isn’t me .
My life matters can’t you see . Stopping looking at me , is that all you see body and flesh . Lord I will do anything take this pain from me , the Devils knocking at my door ,
I can’t do this anymore !!! Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah

Do unto others …

God planned this from my moms womb
All the scars ,
tattoos
he left me with
so much to do
Being hurt lied too
And manipulated too
feeling like a fool
I didn’t even know God was giving me all the necessary tools
So I can excel in life
Know how to fight
Sometimes not being able to sleep at night
Was God telling me his
Truth
Like ..wake up
or I’m going to take
your life from you
Stop trying to show world
You have it all together
I’m going to humble and force
you to get your life together
Can’t you see the picture
I trusted you from birth
All that hurt
I’m going to turn it into victory
And make it look like light work
I know the truth
I know your heart
I know the fight
you put up from the very start
I know you cried
I wiped your tears
When you wanted give up
I know life messed you up
I sorry that choose you
neglected
Battered ,
abused
But I seen potential in you
You have a purpose
and I’m going to use you
to do good
That body I’m building is not of the world
it’s of a spirit that understands
my truth
Do unto others as you have the then do unto you . Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah

A prayer for my little lady …

If I could give you the world in a gift card
and watch you love yourself
the way you deserve
you would make my life complete
If I could watch you see yourself
through my eyes
I would never loose any sleep
If I could witness
your laughter
and tears of joy running
down your face
My days would be faced with ease
I can’t wait until you walk with your head held high and screwed what the world thinks
and finally realize
not many can compete
If I could take your pain away
You will realize
there’s no such thing as defeat
If you took the time to look
deeper then the surface
That’s where you will see
Who God intended for you to be
A woman that has beauty
that is not only skin deep
A woman that has fought
For what she believes
A woman that understands
who she is
A woman that still gives
no matter
if the world
continues to take
A woman that has faith in God
and watches her troubles
be washed away
A woman that is born again
To see a new way of life
A woman who finally believes that everything will be alright…original By Rachel Shundari Ullah ©

Have a little faith …

Imagine being confused
imagine loving a man who loved drugs over you
imagine going to jail pregnant for something you didn’t do
imagine having kids and no place to live
imagine coming home to that kind of shit .
Imagine living with your friend cause that’s the only one that cares
imagine showing your body while everybody stares
imagine lying and manipulating people because you felt like you paid your dues
Imagine having no one to understand your pain
so instead you live in vain
imagine searching for love but hating yourself
imagine figuring things out as you continue to wilt .
imagine smiling everyday and not crying about life
imagine waking up having faith believing everything will be alright
imagine God on your side as everyone laughs
imagine God taking you to the level all thought you couldn’t surpass …
imagine reminding yourself your worth more than rubies and gold
imagine waking up alone .
Imagine learning to live all over again
imagine believing in God and doing your best not to sin .
Imagine crying alone with thoughts of death
imagine putting your faith to the test .
Imagine fighting so hard no one understand
imagine not caring if it’s not in gods plan . Imagine waking up with new sense of life
imagine eliminating anything that doesn’t feel right .
Imagine loving so hard and not giving up imagine time on your side wonder if that would help .
Imagine glowing so bright cause you continue to fight imagine never giving up on what feels right .
Imagine living alone and raising a man And teaching your daughter things you don’t even understand …
Imagine knowing yourself and what’s good for you
imagine
. loving your truth and all that you do
imagine realizing their will never be another you
imagine not caring who believes if your words are the truth
imagine leaving it in gods hands after all you been through
imagine letting go of any negative thoughts imagine waking up stronger than you thought . Imagine learning to love everything about yourself Imagine not being scared to ask for help
imagine controlling your emotions even when you want to cry imagine learning more about yourself every single night imagine not being ashamed to tell you the world you pray
imagine God finally taking all the pain away ! Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah ©

I forgive you , I forgive me ….

Confused about life
confused about love
even confused about the man from up above
How can you value life when life never valued you .
learning to love was the hardest thing to do
coming from a place that wasn’t average along with being so passive
finding out all the things
never knowing my mother past or
why my father had to pass .
Hurting on all levels so I singe my skin
hoping someone will look a little harder deeper then all my sins .
Notice me please I just need to be seen
please mommy don’t forget about me ,
I’m just a little girl
trying to find her way
so you take me by my hand and now we are on our way
never did I expect to be replaced
one of the hardest things I had to face
.I became bitter sad but true
I hated you so much I didn’t know what do .
As time went on I realized we were so alike but different in hindsight .
Now that I have my kids and I clearly understand what it is you initially planned .
Unfortunately the drug took over your heart
and you and all your kids had to part .
I don’t blame for all you did you were deprived as a kid .
Deprived of love and peace in the heart
so many raped you from the very start .
So now I stand tall and understand your truth and all the things you wanted to do .
So my promise to you and my kids I will be victorious I promise I will win !!! Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah ©

Dear God

Dear God , I no longer cloud my mind with the air I hate to breathe
my mind is as clear as the winter breeze
my heart beats for the things I can’t see
and my heart yearns for a loyalty that’s in me .
I don’t think I ever met anyone quite like you .
You’re my best friend i can tell anything to without being worried if you judge my truth .
With you I feel safe in so many ways .
Maybe it’s because I’m no longer jaded by the world and their ways or i could careless what people think of you or how people view me .
My strength of caring made me understand more about me see I did nothing in vain but I wanted everyone see ,
So I ended up never thinking about me .
So I thank you for making me see the only one that’s going to care about me is me .
So now I go about days not thinking about if anyone gets my ways or understands how I move or the things that I love to do
as long as you how know my truth and how these days I’m being forced to move .
No more sitting waiting on my phone ring
no more feeling thinking about anyone before me
no more crying and thinking about what’s next
no more sitting around with a pain in my chest .
It’s my time live
my time breathe
its my time to love
it’s my time to be me !!! Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah ©

Dear Son

1 + 1 never equals 3 If shit don’t add up expect me to speak …You created the monster in me and expect me to not feel all the things you’ve shown me . You constantly lied , cheated and manipulated me by telling me what I wanted to hear , how do you expect me expect me to leave you alone and forget all you’ve done while you had your fun playing with my mind while taking you your time to handle your business and think I wasn’t going to call you out when I caught you slipping , all the promises you made , and you wonder why I be flipping . how do I go about my day peacefully when you took all you had to give . My spirit my smile all for fun not thinking about me and all I’ve done . I’ve sat back and wondered where I went wrong then I realized it had to do with me And men I choose for you to see . The ones that never took the time to show you right from wrong . The ones that words were never true The ones that taught you their pain … Like not acknowledging you or taking the time to teach you how to be a man , probably thought nothing’s different so I’ll continue slipping …as I continue to fight , the more angry you got I guess you thought how do you want me to be all that he’s not . And expect me to be a man I never seen . I was as lost So I choose all I knew and that was being abused …mentally taunted and spiritually tainted I wish life was as beautiful as the one I painted for the world to see but you knew the real me , fighting to survive, crying to be understood, hurting so bad , hiding the truth . But through all that I held on to you , I didn’t Give up I fought for what I believe and prayed to God that he lead me not into temptation and continue to deliver me from evil while I did best to build you up and broke you down knowing another man has let you down . This is not what I planned but I exactly what I needed to understand your ways and the things I never let you say . Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah ©

God picked up …

God always answers image…I called God and he answered my call and I realized all the things I had to do to not fall . The things I had to eliminate the time I had to put into getting to know myself without anyone’s help . Never forgetting about the people who told me . I remember living life like a savage not caring If did any damage. I was hurting. and feeling lonely . There’s so much more I can say but think I got my point across . Take a minute to get to know yourself who cares if no one wants to help or thinks how you think or believes in your vision and what you see . Keep striving to be all you can be !!!! Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah ©

Own your crown …

I’m a woman of a different breed .if you don’t understand me , please feel free to leave … What’s a woman without a mind of her own , a woman who can be cloned a woman who can be owned a woman who settles for less than her best a woman who is just like all the rest . A woman who thinks she’s too cute and her looks can get her through . A woman who gives her body away , any man will do . A woman who hates peace a woman who loves drama a woman who will probably disrespect your mother . A woman who doesn’t understand her ways and all the crazy things she may say . A woman who forgets all she is as long as she’s his . a woman who looks like the rest , talks like the rest and thinks like the rest And sometimes even dresses like the rest , a woman who has no shame and plays his games , a woman that lives in vain . a woman that doesn’t hold her ground or own her crown as long as you promise to always be around . I’m a woman with a mind of her own that can’t be cloned , that can’t be owned , that understands her truth and can’t settle for less than what she gives to you .. Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah ©