God where are you
down my face
I’m just a child
Why me , why me
Watching my mother cry
Because my father
Believes there’s no other way
We are Surrounded by poverty
nowhere to turn
So I run the streets with hopes
of the most high
giving me a turn
Remind me of what
I Never Want to be
My SPIRIT is crying out
please save me
Waking down the street
Watching everybody fight To eat
I’m starting to feel
like the devils meat
Until I hear a sound that makes
my heart skip a beat
Music is my soul provider
And dancing becomes my sanity
the community together
it’s called unity
Looking for peace
Something the politicians
Hate to see
They rather see
Parents hearts that bleed
Family and friends
lost by the sword
My freedom of expression
becomes my voice
Hip Hop is my prayer
I am Praying for peace
But God doesn’t seem to hear me
So I take it to a new level
Fall to my knees
And pray that God intervenes
Dear God ,
I’ve lost faith the devil
is showing me so much pain ,
I don’t know where to go
Teach me your ways
Dancing and music
Take the pain away
But lord I believe there’s another way
I don’t only want you to save me
I want you to restore faith
By Rachel Shundari Ullah
Where did my peace go ,
I want it back
the energy I gave , I want it back , no longer can I save the day .
I want my peace back . I don’t have all the answers and I make mistakes .
I have faith in God in all that I do that’s my secret .
I need to be around positive things can’t you see that .
I’m tired of watching everyone sink ,
I need to get away and isolate myself from selfish ways and people who claim they know me so well .
I want my peace back .
Let me cry alone and get stronger than before .
You can’t stop my heart from beating but I have to stop myself from getting cheated from what I deserve
and I deserve to be heard and respected .
How you live your life is your choice
your pain is yours my pain is mine .
But I can’t sit back and be a product of your environment anymore .
This love inside of me doesn’t deserve to be ignored or taking for granted or forgotten or hurt .
I deserve to live I deserve to feel alive .
I don’t want to let one day pass me by.
I took advantage of life before
I can no longer do that anymore .
I want my peace back ,
I want to smell the food cooking in the kitchen
I want to see the smiles on my kids face
I want them to never again feel like they’ve been replaced .
If you don’t want to give me my peace
I’ll take it a run
so don’t push me in a corner after all I’ve done .
I told you before
how I did things
trust me this isn’t going to be fun .
So don’t call my bluff just trust my words and please let me go about my life and become a woman who tells her truth and teaches young girls, young boys , woman and men . What they go through, isn’t the end !!!! Original Rachel Shundari Ullah ©
Have you ever sat back a listened to your phone ring for hours
with hopes that it would stop ringing because the shame you felt was so indescribable and you needed help ,
have you ever cried all night looking at your phone hoping it will ring because you needed help .
It’s funny how depression plays tricks on you .
You think the ones you love are for you and the ones that want to be around you are against you .
What I realized was the ones I wanted be around didn’t know the real me
so I was able to front like I had it all together
meanwhile I was falling apart .
The ones that new me , really knew me and seen the mess I was so I didn’t want that reality check so I pushed it away .
I didn’t want the truth to shine because after all this time you think I would have had my shit in line .
Depression is the devil in itself .
It takes your joy away and replenish your pain .
You can’t see the bigger because your mind is cluttered with the things that happened to you or what you did others .
So you can’t see beyond guilt so you overcompensate with hopes that the next person will see something in you that you truly don’t even see in yourself
or you choose to be around people who need exactly what you need help .
Someone you can relate to because you don’t want to face the mirror or change your ways
and it’s easier to stay the same .
What I realized was the hardest battle I fought was fighting myself looking in the mirror and changing everything that I had to change within myself
so I could be a better mother and woman .
I needed to stop looking for validation from the world
I needed to stop clinging on to the things that hurt me in the past
I had to see beyond the pain and fight harder than I ever fought .
I needed to stop making excuses and telling lies .
I had to finally face all my demons head on ….
I finally sleep through the night , I’m at peace . My demons no longer suffocate me or pull on me in my sleep my demons are dead cause I killed them the day I faced them !!! Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah ©
Confused about life
confused about love
even confused about the man from up above
How can you value life when life never valued you .
learning to love was the hardest thing to do
coming from a place that wasn’t average along with being so passive
finding out all the things
never knowing my mother past or
why my father had to pass .
Hurting on all levels so I singe my skin
hoping someone will look a little harder deeper then all my sins .
Notice me please I just need to be seen
please mommy don’t forget about me ,
I’m just a little girl
trying to find her way
so you take me by my hand and now we are on our way
never did I expect to be replaced
one of the hardest things I had to face
.I became bitter sad but true
I hated you so much I didn’t know what do .
As time went on I realized we were so alike but different in hindsight .
Now that I have my kids and I clearly understand what it is you initially planned .
Unfortunately the drug took over your heart
and you and all your kids had to part .
I don’t blame for all you did you were deprived as a kid .
Deprived of love and peace in the heart
so many raped you from the very start .
So now I stand tall and understand your truth and all the things you wanted to do .
So my promise to you and my kids I will be victorious I promise I will win !!! Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah ©
Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah © I can barely hear the water but the boats still rocking .. Strength isn’t determined by the noise you can make its determined by the impact you make . Sometimes the noisiest waters have no effect …