What do I miss …

I might miss you
But I can’t summit
To the feeling of not feeling
I might miss you
But I can’t forget
how you didn’t try
and gave up
I might miss you
But then I remember
how loving you
was more important
than loving me
I might miss you
And then remember
how you made
me feel ,
I might miss you
But then I remember
you pushed me
too far away
I might miss you
But then I remember
how your words
Found a way to Make me stray
I might miss you
But you never thought
about me
So what do I miss
Do I miss how we kiss
Or how I feel
when your lips are on my lips
Or do I miss your hands
moving my hips
As I continue to drip
Or Do I miss
the words you say
Like I love you ,
I want to change
Or Do I miss
the way your eyes look at mine
before you
Slide in Between my thighs
Or do I miss
all your lies
And how much you try
To take away from the things
That made me feel alive
How can I miss the things
that make me Insane
How can I miss that
you don’t care about my pain
I’m starting to question mmy state of mind
Have I always been crazy
Is this the kind of love I chase
Then I remember I have a choice
So I let go and let God and have faith that this kind of love will be replaced .
Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah

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Do unto others …

God planned this from my moms womb
All the scars ,
he left me with
so much to do
Being hurt lied too
And manipulated too
feeling like a fool
I didn’t even know God was giving me all the necessary tools
So I can excel in life
Know how to fight
Sometimes not being able to sleep at night
Was God telling me his
Like ..wake up
or I’m going to take
your life from you
Stop trying to show world
You have it all together
I’m going to humble and force
you to get your life together
Can’t you see the picture
I trusted you from birth
All that hurt
I’m going to turn it into victory
And make it look like light work
I know the truth
I know your heart
I know the fight
you put up from the very start
I know you cried
I wiped your tears
When you wanted give up
I know life messed you up
I sorry that choose you
Battered ,
But I seen potential in you
You have a purpose
and I’m going to use you
to do good
That body I’m building is not of the world
it’s of a spirit that understands
my truth
Do unto others as you have the then do unto you . Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah

Underdog winning …

Underdogs winning
karmas catching
up to you .
You treated me like a woman
That didn’t deserve you
But now you see
the progress
and who I always been
While your being faced
with your poor choices
and deceit
You didn’t see me
I looked a certain way
Now you want to be
all up in my face
Meanwhile I’m exactly the same
But this time around
I have more sense
I would never settle
for less than my best
So my love
my best was never you
I was a jaded
as you
The difference with me
is I never preyed on innocent souls
You never thought
My mind
or way a life
would surpass a women
that had things handed to her
and gave to you
So as I sit back and think ,
I thank god for bringing me to my knees and holding a mirror to my face
when I felt incomplete
teaching me more about myself
As I was learning to breathe .
I’m challenged daily , but today I can see .
I can see clearer
then what you think of me
Look at me the underdog bringing
Heat to the table
You didn’t think
I was able
Or maybe you thought
my mind wasn’t stable
because the life I lead
Now I’m putting mirror
to your face
what does it feel
like to be faced with your demons
I’m exactly who I always said
A woman who never bowed
to the thought of defeat …
It’s been real ,
but I have no interest
in being with a creep . Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah

Stop jading our youth !

This is for all the artist
Who disrespects and belittle woman
Humble yourself
Before God does
Stop Treating woman
like you’re better
then the man up above
All glory goes to God
the truth
Or you will be fighting
to reach level
You’ll never get to ,
God sees all
It’s ok
to tell the world.
You don’t know it all
and you fight to survive
Stop fronting
like you have it
all together
You know you can
do better
And you have more to learn
About yourself
Stop putting on a show for the world
Your insecurities
shine bright
Like the watch
you put before you go out
at night
Or that fake ass earring that’s shinning like the star
you’re not ..,
judging a woman
For a bag she wears
or the shoes she rocks
Or the label of her clothes
It just shows me who you are
Hiding behind your shades acting like you can’t see
I see Through your soul blockers
I really see you
A reflection of the devil
you’re a facade
, a Fugazi
A fraud , a phony
a fake
The little money you have defines you
your music to me sounds
like a mask that hides your truth
your ring resembles the pain your watch symbolizes
how time is running out
and the brand of your sneakers tell me you actually care what the world thinks of you .
And the way you carry yourself shows me I’m right .
Pants hanging low
so you can remind us Queens daily the type of man we should never deal with
I’m praying we all follow suit … All Queens rise
never deal with a man
and his pride
and man who doesn’t know
how to act as a king and treat a woman like queen
. I’m tired of hearing
about hos and bitches
I’m tired of listen to false knowledge and feeding our kids false hope and selling them empty promises
by speaking vanity into their heart .
Leave the our future alone if you don’t have one of your own …. Now that’s law !!! Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah

I support my child …

I’m being pulled away
from my world
being forced to fight
Ego , pain and pride
set aside
Separation is part of a vicious game
If you ask me , child support ,
I get it …
But how does that make me feel
I support my child on more levels than one
and you know that’s real
But you want more
When I see you give me hell
Because you want to know
who’s calling my phone
Like that has anything
to do
The parent , I am
You don’t want me happy
So you hold my child over head
This isn’t fair ,
I want this pain to end
but it’s never enough
Your mad at me for things I did
that has nothing to with the situation at hand
All I care about
is if our child stand a chance
A broken home is never what
I wanted
Tears run down my face
I’m loosing focus
Your pushing me in a corner
by playing these mind games
Your selfish thoughtless ways
can never see things my way
All I care about
is our child’s well-being
And all you want to do is be deceiving
And lie to the world about the person I am
When you know damn well
The parent I am .
Stop playing games
lying telling the world
where we went wrong
That has nothing to do
with our child at all
Stop involving our child
in these mixed emotions
Their confused enough
Birthdays are separate ,
holidays shared
Do you think that’s fair
Being a parent
is the only that should matter
at this point
Stop for minute
stop thinking
about you and sit back
and think what a heart like yours
is going to do
Resentment , anger and pain
is going to run through child’s veins because you couldn’t see the bigger picture
Instead you rather
let your ego ,
pride and pain show you the way .
Please let’s get it together
I want our to child
to see better …original by Rachel Shundari Ullah

I’ll eat your soil for a moment …

I’ll eat the shit
you feed me
And nourish my soul
but oh boy when I let go
it’s going to be hard
to regain my heart again
knowing you took me to the point of no return
I told you
I’ll eat your truth
chew it up
a spit a garden out
Please , did you think you were excluded too ?
Shame on you
Another” I told you ”
When will you get it
I don’t ask for much
Just a man that does his best
How is it my words
fall on deaf ears
Or is it you’re
not listening
So hearing me
is clearly
Not In your vision
Being you’re deaf
can you see
The truth
And The truth is a woman like me
Can ever be with a man like you
Your wrds aren’t you True
Your actions don’t add up
I guess this is the way
you enjoy building yourself up
By trying to break me down
It’s sad , that’s the way you think things have to go down
In order to feel your strength
praying a woman like me
Had no sense , a woman that was
once lost
but now is found
Did you think my truth
would give you ammunition
And your shots fired
would be felt
Clearly your the one that needs help !!!! Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah

Keep fighting !!!

alcohol , pills ,
heroine , cocaine
And sometimes Weed …
Is this the only way
to get along
Or hide your pain
Or your Shame
While you listen to everyone’s change
Listen to the truth
we are all individuals
It will be easy for some
And harder for others
It doesn’t mean you get discouraged
Step by step,
little by little
Don’t beat yourself up
No more abuse
You can fight it
if you try
And realize
Everyone experienced a different
Don’t give up
You matter too much
People need you
The world needs a person
Who tells the truth
And doesn’t submit to the thoughts of death
So you can tell the world or you neighbor next door
How you changed
You never know you may
Save the day
Or someone’s life
By telling them to continue to fight
And you survived
The hurt the pain
the sorrow
The rain
The confusion
The hate
The envy
The Shame
The days that you just want to
Just Run away
And the nights you just want
To fade away
And when all is said and done
You never stop praying and you always believe in Heavens face .
That’s the truth that needs to be heard
Who cares if the world doesn’t
Get who are
And the 12 steps didn’t get you far !!!
So what if your family or friends don’t forgive you as long as you forgive yourself .
I respect anyone that’s fighting
For help … Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah

I’m different …

I have goals and dreams
I can’t let that go
Your ways may work for you
But not something I’m into
See you don’t see the truth at hand
If it’s not if gods plan you don’t stand a chance
I’m not talking about this life
I live and walk in my truth
I fall short but we all do
Now I’m going to show you how Christ wins
My fight will never exhaust my mind
Even if I’m working until sunrise
Only a select few were chosen to view things the way I do
My job is to keep it real and tell you works for me .
Staying positive
Staying away from the streets
Believing in myself
And never letting the world
Dictate my ways
Staying away from anything
thoughts that make me want to fade away
And lose my way
You can’t touch me I’m on God speed
So your ways can’t phase me
Or the Devils temptation won’t succeed
I’ll never get lost in thoughts
That take away from my state of mind
Loving myself first is not a crime
Just remember you came for me
And I just did the opposite of what you expected of me … Original Rachel Shundari Ullah ©

What did you expect ?!?

Try to Understand my pain
How deep my wounds
Living with thoughts,
no clue
How did you expect me move
I told you the things I would do
If your words weren’t true
Now you’re mad cause I’m doing exactly whAt I said
Like reaching
for my goals ,
making bread ,
holding my head
not spreading my legs
A diamond in the ruff
but you were too clueless
no good of me
Thought you knew the real me
Did you really think
I was dizzy broad with no goals dreams
all you see in me
Is what’s in your dirty dreams
But as time past me by
I see your thoughts
your lies
so it brought me to a place
Where the games
you play
hold no weight
as you continue
To count your steps
trying get in my head
Not realizing
that part my head
is dead
my heart is cold
as you continue to unfold
your truth I can’t respect ,
the pain you say
you have In Your chest
makes no sense ,
I’m the one that kept
you focused and off the street reaching for things
you couldn’t see .
But I’m wrong
because you dropped the ball and your mind couldn’t stay strong
I promised you
I would always be around
but how can I stay when
Youre not owning your crown .
Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah

Today belongs to you !!!

Yes ,I know it’s Mothers Day
but I’m going to put a twist
on today .
I believe kids should be recognized
on this day
So as a mother today
I want to thank my kids
for at times dealing with my inconsistent ways
at times I fed you the
germs that lingered
from my childhood
The fear of loss , the fear failure ,
fear being of being left alone
Scared to watch you grow
I want to thank my kids
for always fighting even
when I didn’t share my truth
I want thank my kids for celebrating me on a day that really belongs to you
I’m just doing
what real mothers do
Taking care of your heart
and protecting soul
Never letting go
And putting you before me
As all mothers should do .
So today I want thank my kids
for dealing with all my shit
and Challenging me to
always to become
a better me
I want to thank my kids
For never giving in
And continuing to fight
When things didn’t go
as planned
This day belongs to you
after all the things I subconsciously put you through … Thank you for all you do and never forget , I love you …Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah