Blueprint ….

Don’t remember my face
for it will forever remain the same .
Remember everything I once was too you
and all I gave
remember a soul
that you will forever miss , remember my mind
and what It initially thought about you ,
Remember all the simple things I loved and how I was true
and once you remember all of that remember how you didn’t even really take the time get to know me ,
so you never had a clue …
Now your lost
and confused ,
But I told you how
I would move .
I’m willing to
Own where I fell short
If you’re willing to admit you pushed me away
Playing all the manipulative mind games you play
Your passive aggressive ways
No longer leads the way
I’m tired of bowing down
to make you feel complete
When your words strip me
A make me feel like whore in
the street
You question my character like you can’t see
A little cleavage doesn’t mean I give my love away easy
Maybe it means I feel sexy today
Or maybe it makes feel slimmer then yesterday
your nasty words tell me what you think of me
Like I don’t have dignity
And I don’t carry myself with respect
Social media don’t mean Shit to me
Do you see me showing my ass for likes
I’m showing dinner that was right on time
and I love my family more than life
It’s hard to count you in
When you constantly count me out
The words you say change your face
I’m learning to block everything you say
My music is speaking words you should be listening too
But your running around looking for a clue
Verbally Communicating I tried to do
That phone in your hand tells the truth
You should have taken the time to read the blueprint I gave to you … Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah

Fluid strength

Breaking through the waves of life
Finding peace deep inside
Living free
Seeing clear
Facing all internal obstacles
with ease
The pain I once felt
Is no longer part of me
So I breath
and take the next step
No longer limited in my head
The feelings I get
are all heaven-sent
The love I feel is real
Feeling free
loving me
Spirit bounded
no more
Feet stable
Heart once cold
is now warm
I never thought
I could get to a place
where I pray
and learn to have faith
in heavens face
I’m watching
all my troubles
be washed away
Crashing waves
is what I see
This feeling is great
The strength of the water
is now a part of my soul
Knocking all the walls down .
That held me back for so long
Confusion
Hate
Fear
Depression
Anger
Not understanding why
No one understood me
Silently Living in pain
The mirror no longer reveals my ways , insecurity that lied so deep within me
The reflection I see today is exactly how God made me before the world took my spirit away… Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah

you have nothing to lose !!!

Queen
It’s hurts to watch your spirit fade
Don’t let a man change your ways
Stay beautiful , the same
one day a king will come and change your name
A man that calls hisself the N word can never understand your pain
Because he’s to busy living ignorantly living in vain
Queen remember this
You deserve to reign
To be respected
, understood
You don’t deserve to feel like you always do
Crying to get your point across
Praying he finds a clue
Not valuing his family
Acting like he has nothing to lose
Like a woman who will always be true
Or holds him down when the world is cruel
See queen you’re the one that hasn’t nothing lose
He hasn’t shown more than his words not being true
Taking away from the way you see your face
Or how you feel when another woman temporality takes your place
That type of man is a natural disgrace
And trust me is easily replaced !!! Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah

Music on blast

Music on blast
so I don’t have to remember
my past
or why my all my relationships didn’t last .
Was I caught up with all that I did
or was it I was never appreciated . Or maybe I never choose a man that held his ground
or hung around
to watch me raise
my kids so molded them
the way I saw fit .
With class morals and respect .
I think back when I was younger and no matter
where life took my mother
their was other .
Her style , finess and oh boy the way she dressed ,
she turned heads
while she thought she was impressing the best
the best ended her on the streets ..:and the streets
loved her more then she loved she .
So she hugged block ,
thinking she was being nursed back to health ,
but really she was loosing more of herself ,
She was a beast
who love to feast
off of people
who mistreated her in the streets
or loving the ones that couldn’t hurt her
that was part of her guard being up loving man
that couldn’t help .
Never being alone was her way of feeling alive
even if she had to sacrifice the love for her kids
and all that she is
so she held her head high
while she sucked that glass stick
and acted like all these changes passed me by
but I witnessed all the lies ,
I know there’s so much more to you
so stop lying about your demons hiding I feel them peeking showing their eyes and and changing your heart this wasn’t you from the very start .

Life beat me
and suffocated me with pain and disappointments
so I had no choice but to go with the flow and excepted misfortune
and taught myself how to live and promised myself I would never sacrifice my kids for the love a man or a drugs I can’t stand
Even though I didn’t know God had different Plans
I swear I wanted to do things different

I wanted to to take the world by its horns and show my wings and do my best to show my kids the opposite of what i was taught

But I allowed myself to feel the agony ,
pain and disappointment.. fist of fury felt familar and so did the weed burning in the room .
The lack of love reminding me of home as I cried alone .
And my kids watched from afar and became my confidant .
It was harder for them then I thought no man ever followed through with what they were taught …
the world tried to teach me and my kids defeat
but my fight
always landed me on my feet .
I thank god
I am where I need to be , because my kids have hope
I believe their learning to pray and no matter what we go through we will be ok
all glory goes to God
I can’t water it down .
There ‘s no other reason Im still around … Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah

Are you my Ride or die or run and hide

The finer things
I love you’re so right a beauty in a beast that not only skin deep
I hear your words
But you still forget to mention
How you would handle life when being taught a lesson
Or when adversity hits home
Will you hide your face or need space because you can’t live with pressure in your face
What if those intricate things weren’t as attainable and simple as it seemed
And now we have to survive
Will you be my ride or die or will tag along for the ride
Would my smile and laugh still seem as beautiful as your fantasies
Or will you lose all interest in keeping me happy
Not knowing how to keep it together
So you find unhealthiest outlet
Whether it’s drinking or drugging hanging with your boys
while I’m at home flipping
Trying to figure out what’s next
feeling the pain in my chest
So let’s not talk about the flowers and the candy
Let’s get down to nitty-gritty and tell me you would do if life wasn’t looking so pretty . It hurts to know the truth but it feels amazing to be living proof . So this time around I know how to move ….original by Rachel Shundari Ullah

Reign my king …

King , the way your mind works
Is something I need to explain
The way you think makes me want to respect you in a different way
The respect one can’t find on the street I want put you on pedestal so high
the world can see
How a kings thinks
ranks priority to a queen
Building woman up instead of them breaking down
Your the type man
I will forever hold down
Without shadow doubt
I will always show you love
Never give up
Even if the odds were stacked you
I would make sure you knew you were special
And as time passed by I would never let a day go by without
letting you I was grateful
you were mine .
Oh How I wish the world thought like you , I see you and respect your truth ….the queen in me appreciates
the king in you!!!
Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah

Don’t talk in circles …

Complex words
confuse my essence
Why talk in circles
and keep me second guessing
I rather your words
speak facts
not the things that are sublimely on your mind
See I’m not a mind reader
but I can tell when your mind doesn’t match mind
Because the board walk
I’m walking on doesn’t
seem as boring to me
as it does to you
Is it because my mind and your thoughts don’t connect
because you rather have me
Lost
Thinking about what’s next
When I’m at home
those are thoughts that run through
my mind
But I can’t give you this side
if you’re only talking
about material things
that don’t matter to me
Don’t get me wrong
I have dreams
and I love nice things
But conversation
about that crap don’t make heart sing
It’s the things come from inside that make you shine
Not the shoes , the watch you wear or the car you drive
So if your shallow
our minds will never coincide .
We might have the same goals and love the same things
But those things don’t define me
I’m not as simple as I seem
My eyes might say I want you inside me
But what they really mean
is there anything else inside of you
So if you wonder how a queens moves my actions will show and prove . And you will see my words are true when you hit me up and I don’t get back to you … Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah

I’m hungry for love

You can cook for me
if your love don’t stop in the kitchen
I understand your hands takes the place of your mouth
But I love communication
so I’m willing to listen
Or your food will taste like something
I’m missing
Like friends that share thoughts and visions
Or loved one that’s share their hopes and dreams
Your food taste good
I taste the different flavors ,
Sometimes sweet
Sometimes tart
Sometimes hot
Sometimes cold
It’s confusing to unfold what my heart is not being told
I can’t understand the words you don’t say
So you can cook me as long as cooking is not the only way you show me love
Is there way you can show me what you’re trying saying
Like taking me for a bite
Or having picnic under a
tree
Or just saying I appreciate you
And I love you baby
this is for you
A meal sounds all great
But how Can I determine
what you never say
if all you do
is put your love on a plate …. Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah

Microwave Love …

cooking in the kitchen
the aroma of love
that makes my eyes glisten
Hands making love to the pot
Until you get home
Sharing my heart
with the one I love
is something I yearn for
Clinging to a familiar touch
Understanding time shows the truth
Waiting as my eyes get heavy
Hoping my food taste the same
when I heat it up
It sucks to feel like
no matter my efforts
I’m waiting for a heart
that’s focused on everything
but me .
First on your priority
list is you
feeding you like a king
when you treat me like a
A woman that doesn’t
deserve to reign
You think by now
I learn my lesson
Things never change
But I’m sure
the minute you show up
I’ll rise to the occasion
fix your plate
love on you even
though I’m second guessing
If this is the kind of love
I want
knowing
I deserve more
Like someone who puts me on a pedestal and praise me like never before
Why do I show my face
to one whose heart
is so far away .
Who has me waiting
like I’m second place
I don’t know if this
is what I want to do .
So the next time
I’ll continue to cook for me
and won’t worry about you .
Because my love left in the microwave
is not cool !!!. Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah

Can you handle me ?

You ask me if I can handle you
I told you the truth
Keep it real with me
and I’ll keep it real with you
I’ll support your dreams
if we’re on the same team
But the minute you start acting funny
I won’t yell and scream
I’ll just fall back
after I tell you
Respectfully what’s on my mind
Like why isn’t time now on our side
But by now your caught up and won’t tell me about your sins
I told you I would never judge
your ways
Just be honest
and I’ll never throw it
in your face
But you’re slowly fading away
The words you say
seems like a vicious game you play
So that bag you bought me
holds no weight
Or holding me close or looking me
in my eyes
licking your lips
Calling this life
I can’t live your truth
while I’m living a lie
My heart is slowly dying inside
I don’t look at you like I use to
My heart doesn’t skip a beat
when our eyes meet
Because what comes out your mouth is lies and deceit
Am I sleeping with the enemy
or do my eyes deceive me
Phone rings ,
I’m faced with the truth
But I can careless because at this point I don’t even love you
I have my life to tend to
So I’ll be on my way
just remember I wanted to stay
And I prayed to God he change
Your ways
But I can no longer put up with
Uncontrollable ways … Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah