Deeper Then The Gym … 

Back at it again  The weight heavier 

then before

I hope

 I don’t break a sweat 

Balancing life 

on my feet 

I’m pushing through 

Closing my eyes 

so you can’t 

see the truth 

I’m scared 

my legs 

will give in 

And tears 

will run down my face 

But all the pain 

I’m feeling 

Makes me want 

to push this weight 

I’m far from weak

Can you see my strength 

Holding in my stomach

I inhale my truth 

Breathing out slowly 


All things 

I subconsciously 

put myself through 

But I can’t stop now 

Do you see the change ? 

I do 

Finally beating the odds 

And I didn’t have to go to a doctor 

To see me through

This pain still hurts 

I can’t lie

But I’ll be damned 

if I go to a doctor 

to get me by 

I want to understand the pain 

Some say pain is weakness leaving the body 

I’m starting to believe 

this to be true  

Insecurities I’m 

finally Learning 

to control 

But I can’t over do it 

I have to gradually 

Pull through 

Im not trying 

try to show you

I’m better then anyone 

Or prove a point 

I’m pushing 

my own 


To see what I can do

I don’t want to stay the same

This change isn’t in vain 

You may not understand some of my complicated ways 

But I must stay focused 

So I don’t lose my way 

The day will come where 

you all will 


my pain and my words 

 I chose to say !!!

Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah 

Money Doesn’t Define Me …

I just don’t understand why 

do things have to 

Be so difficult 

The truth will always shine 

I never lived In vain 

I just do my best to enjoy the days

And never to forget about other 

People and their emotional pain … 
How can a someone 

 give so much of their self 

with nothing to show  

She gives her heart 

and wears it on her sleeve 

Loving everyone equally 

She holds your hand 

when you cry

And does her best 

And wonders 

Why do the good 

have to constantly 

fight to survive 

Never had a thing 

handed to her 

had to fight 

for what ever 

she needed

All she wanted 

 was the ones she love to succeed 

Should She stop 

loving so hard 

and give back what 

She gets 

Like a people 

 that forget about 

her well being 

every chance 

They get 

That’s not how 

She operates 

that’s truth 

You don’t even have a clue 
She sits a home sometimes  

Fighting these demons 

That make her feel a certain way 

It comes in all forms 

Whether it’s word to hurt 

Or actions to take away 

Or someone just not understanding 

Her pain 

She never claimed to be an angel

And never  selfishly thought 

She could of bought herself anything .

Money didn’t mean a thing 

“I got it , no worries it’s on me ”

Those were the words that made her feel complete 

Knowing that everyone smiled 

Made her heart skip a beat 

But was she really overcompensating 

for the things you couldn’t see .

 Nope That was always she !!! 

Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah 

Come On … What Do You See?!?

Can you read 

what my lips say 

or are focused 

on the shape 

Can you see 

what I’m trying 

 To say 

or are you wondering 

how I taste 

Do you realize 

the woman 

that stands before you

Or are you caught up 

in your ways 

Or are you 

caught up with 

the type woman 

you been inside 

Like a woman 

that can’t see 

through your eyes 

Or a woman 

that can’t see 

beneath your lies 

Or maybe 

your caught up 

with a woman 

that freely 

gives you 

what’s in between 

her thighs 

Look a little closer 

No closer …

Can you see 

through my eyes

Are you sure 

What do you see ? 

Do you see 

a woman 

who’s complete 

A woman who 

doesn’t compete 

A woman who 

has standards 

And dreams 

A woman who

doesn’t sit well 

with defeat 

A woman 

whose feet 

are stable 

and soul is free 

Can you see 

or are you blind 

because my 

lips are saying 

What you 

want to see 


come here  


come get 

Some of me 

I need your touch 

I want you inside of me 

Pause for a minute 

Is that really what you  

You see . 

You don’t see 

a woman that 

Holds herself with class 

And respect 

You don’t see 

a woman who’s not 

Showing her breast 

You don’t see a woman who Believes in what’s right 

or a woman 

Who doesn’t like to fight 

Or a woman 

who respects 

everyone equally 

or a woman 

Who has faith 

in God completely 

This shit is crazy 

I don’t get the logic 

how did my lips 

become such 

a ugly topic .  
Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah 

What’s Lupus Got To Do With It !!!

I’ve seen women  
who have surgery 

to make theirselves 

look better . 

I’m a woman 

who post 

videos and pictures . 

But you are someone

God continues to deliver 

giving you strength 

so we all can see 

the bigger picture . 

Don’t stop , 

keep going 

is the message 

you send 

No obstacle 

is to big 

it’s all 

in your head 

You can fight

 if you never stop 

Keep going 

Look at me 

I’m not even 

what the world 

considers healthy 

But spiritually 

and mentally 

I’m built 

 for this war 

And you will see 

I won’t suffer 

no more 

Sometimes days 

are harder 

then others 

That’s when  

I keep going 

This journey 

I’m on 

its easy 

 To Lose focus.

 But see the way

 I’m built 

I won’t fade away 

God continues 

to heal me 


The strength 

you see 

May be misunderstood 

But I know exactly 

what I need 

To set an 

healthy example 

Don’t forget 

my daughter is watching me … 

Who better then me 

to show her the 

true definition of a Queen … 
Original By 

Rachel Shundari Ullah 

Nothing Like A Mommy …

Mommy oh how that word 

makes all the

 pain and hurt 

worth it 

that word mommy

 makes it all 

make sense 

, that word mommy 

that word 

 that’s keeps 

you pushing 

to do your best ,

 that word mommy 

when it doesn’t matter 

if you rest,  

that word mommy 

some are 

mothers and fathers  

That word mommy 

puts fathers  

that chose 

not to be 

daddy’s to shame . 

 A Mommy never lives in vain 

but mothers do 

That word mommy 

will push you through 

That word mommy 

is not a easy 

word to carry 

Mothers do what they should 

but  a Mommy 

She Does the most 

Mommy will

make sure to build her children up  

When they’re losing focus 

Mothers will just go with the flow 

Mommy will make you see 

the bigger picture 

and teach you things 

and make you dig deeper 

Even if it’s letting you go 

Mothers will enable 

a child to stay the same 

and not do their best 

or enforce change 

A Mommy will set boundaries 

that must be met 

Mothers will just allow their children to vent 

A Mommy will 

 always make sure 

all is well 

even when her child 

is giving her hell 

Mommy will never give up 

but mothers do . 

A mommy will teach 

you a lesson or two 

Whether it be 

 forced consequences 

that must show 

You the ropes 

Or showing you 

without the help 

of a mommy 

it’s easy to lose hope   
Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah 

I Pray For You If You Prey On Me

I thank you god cause I know 

you could of 

made it harder 

for me . 

after all the things  

I’ve seen 

and been through 

you didn’t 

let me fall 

. I might of 

scraped my knees 

but that’s when 

you forced me 

to my knees 

Showing me everything

 I didn’t see 

Like it was time 

to start planning 

and doing things differently 

No more running

from my truth 

No more waiting 

for someone 

to lessen my pain

From running 

from life’s vicious ways 

Time to face 

my demons head one 

Fear of being alone 

Who’s going 

embrace my truth 

Scared to face 

my insecurities 

like who else 

is going to want me 

These scars and tattoos 

Who is going to respect my story 

Or is another one 

going to add to my Pain 

A full circle 
this has to be 

gods test 

So I continue 

to build myself up

to be my very best 

Learning every lesson 

is gods blessing 

once we pass the 

test .

Time has a way 

of healing all wounds 

I may remain internally bruised 

but never giving 


the tools again 

So I will remain 

vulnerable in my strength ,

 I won’t pretend 

I know god 

knows my heart 

and the things 

that set me apart . 

So I may lay alone 

but God knows 

I could of easily 

picked up my phone 

and released all my  energy 

With someone 

who’s spiritually 

 not healthy for me 

that is preying on me 

to see what feels 

like to be 

with a woman 

Like me … 

Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah 

Sister Love 

My sister how can I explain you were alway there  

To feel my pain 

and though sometimes 

you didn’t get my ways 

and times made us go our separate ways . 

Once back again 

You never changed your heart or picked me apart 

You accepted me for me 

You looked at me 

and said 

I got your back 

I’ll help you get back on track .

 there’s so much you did for me 

when I couldn’t see 

and I needed a vision 

deeper then me . 

You took the lead 

and showed me the way .

 We even went to church to pray our demons away .

 I recognize you 

for all you do 

and appreciate 

every part of you , 

even with some 

of our irrational ways 

or the days 

we didn’t see eye to eye . 

You never let my tears 

run dry 

without drying my eyes . 

I thank you for 

all you did . 

You are appreciated 

Never will I leave you alone

 to deal with life 

or the things 

that are difficult to manage 

. I got your back 

like you have always have mine . 

No matter time 

or place ill always been on time . 

Your rock when 

You need to cry 

and I’ll give you time 

when You need space . 

Spiritually you know 

I’ve always felt your pain . 

So I will make sure 

I call you to take your pain away. 

Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah

Nothing Makes Any Sense … 

Nothing makes sense …

I never knew love

because I don’t

remember your embrace

Watching you

 wither away before my eyes

Felt like a knifes embrace

I ended up chasing

A dream

Loving boys

that reminded me

Of love I never seen

I don’t remember

much of your words

for you

never said much

You ask me

how my mom was

and told me to never give up

I watched my mother struggle

and continue

to be emotionally abused

Men never the same

I believe in my heart

she never stopped loving you

Not sure why you didn’t stay together

I wish I knew the truth

My insecurity starting to shine

I’m starting to hate you

I don’t know how

to go about my days

After you faded away

Drinking at 12

seems to take my pain away

Kissing boys

and fighting in school

I wish someone

 understood my pain

Maybe me burning myself

Will make someone see

 it’s not vain

I don’t even know

how to love me

The demons that lied within

you are now within me

Lies that mask my pain

wondering why my family

wasn’t the same

From what I witnessed everyday

I hated the days

that past like

Father’s Day Dance

Did I really have to explain

My father died

because of drugs he put in his veins ??

So I lied

and said he wasn’t around

you’ll see him one day

Like I was so proud

Knowing that my father

 died of AIDS .

But how can I explain

that the right way

without scaring people away …

Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah


So let me ask you a question ? what do you see when you look at me ? Do you see a visionary or just a woman that visions your mind 

Clouding mine 

or do you vision 

The thoughts of your hands sliding in Btwn my thighs 

or do you envision walking side by side or completing ones sentences and seeing eye to eye . Or do you envision my lips in Btwn your thighs 

wondering how I ride 

or if I could show you a good time . 

Doesn’t even matter the time or place yours or mine . 

A park or bench 

imagine the things that run through my mind . That doesn’t mean your gonna see that part of me so quickly 

if you were to envision my vision you would see there’s levels to this so don’t act clueless waiting for a clue 

Like your playing a game 

. Like I. Need to be tamed  

. take the time and envision my vision 

you might see exactly 

what your missing 

A woman that has a vision 

and it’s not focused or your goals. her vision is to get through life with mean precision 

and reach submission 

while maintaining conditioned . Conditioned for war but ready for love . 

My vision is to never give up . Only if you can envision my vision without clouding yours from your past experience . 

So what’s your vision is it 20 /20 or are you blind to a real woman that has has a vision 

and doesn’t consist 

of living off your vision .

she moves like a boss

 and leads like horse 

prepared to open the minds of those that are lost .

 See I have vision but your too busy envisioning your vision .

 Clearly we are not same page

 so I’ll fall back and you can envision your vision with a woman that has no vision .

Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah