Music on blast

Music on blast
so I don’t have to remember
my past
or why my all my relationships didn’t last .
Was I caught up with all that I did
or was it I was never appreciated . Or maybe I never choose a man that held his ground
or hung around
to watch me raise
my kids so molded them
the way I saw fit .
With class morals and respect .
I think back when I was younger and no matter
where life took my mother
their was other .
Her style , finess and oh boy the way she dressed ,
she turned heads
while she thought she was impressing the best
the best ended her on the streets ..:and the streets
loved her more then she loved she .
So she hugged block ,
thinking she was being nursed back to health ,
but really she was loosing more of herself ,
She was a beast
who love to feast
off of people
who mistreated her in the streets
or loving the ones that couldn’t hurt her
that was part of her guard being up loving man
that couldn’t help .
Never being alone was her way of feeling alive
even if she had to sacrifice the love for her kids
and all that she is
so she held her head high
while she sucked that glass stick
and acted like all these changes passed me by
but I witnessed all the lies ,
I know there’s so much more to you
so stop lying about your demons hiding I feel them peeking showing their eyes and and changing your heart this wasn’t you from the very start .

Life beat me
and suffocated me with pain and disappointments
so I had no choice but to go with the flow and excepted misfortune
and taught myself how to live and promised myself I would never sacrifice my kids for the love a man or a drugs I can’t stand
Even though I didn’t know God had different Plans
I swear I wanted to do things different

I wanted to to take the world by its horns and show my wings and do my best to show my kids the opposite of what i was taught

But I allowed myself to feel the agony ,
pain and disappointment.. fist of fury felt familar and so did the weed burning in the room .
The lack of love reminding me of home as I cried alone .
And my kids watched from afar and became my confidant .
It was harder for them then I thought no man ever followed through with what they were taught …
the world tried to teach me and my kids defeat
but my fight
always landed me on my feet .
I thank god
I am where I need to be , because my kids have hope
I believe their learning to pray and no matter what we go through we will be ok
all glory goes to God
I can’t water it down .
There ‘s no other reason Im still around … Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah

Published by

Rachel Shundari ullah

I am a strong woman / mother that has been on my own since 14 years old without the proper guidance or structure. I am currently a volunteer for true2life . I have a purpose deeper then just me , I am the founder and president of my non profit organization named Its Beneath The Surface ( I am U ) . Our mission is to create a universal support system for our youth , teenagers , parents ,and adults of all ages that deal with everyday adversities .