Nothing Makes Any Sense … 

Nothing makes sense …

I never knew love

because I don’t

remember your embrace

Watching you

 wither away before my eyes

Felt like a knifes embrace

I ended up chasing

A dream

Loving boys

that reminded me

Of love I never seen

I don’t remember

much of your words

for you

never said much

You ask me

how my mom was

and told me to never give up

I watched my mother struggle

and continue

to be emotionally abused

Men never the same

I believe in my heart

she never stopped loving you

Not sure why you didn’t stay together

I wish I knew the truth

My insecurity starting to shine

I’m starting to hate you

I don’t know how

to go about my days

After you faded away

Drinking at 12

seems to take my pain away

Kissing boys

and fighting in school

I wish someone

 understood my pain

Maybe me burning myself

Will make someone see

 it’s not vain

I don’t even know

how to love me

The demons that lied within

you are now within me

Lies that mask my pain

wondering why my family

wasn’t the same

From what I witnessed everyday

I hated the days

that past like

Father’s Day Dance

Did I really have to explain

My father died

because of drugs he put in his veins ??

So I lied

and said he wasn’t around

you’ll see him one day

Like I was so proud

Knowing that my father

 died of AIDS .

But how can I explain

that the right way

without scaring people away …

Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah

Published by

Rachel Shundari ullah

I am a strong woman / mother that has been on my own since 14 years old without the proper guidance or structure. I am currently a volunteer for true2life . I have a purpose deeper then just me , I am the founder and president of my non profit organization named Its Beneath The Surface ( I am U ) . Our mission is to create a universal support system for our youth , teenagers , parents ,and adults of all ages that deal with everyday adversities .