Hat low …

I’ve been asked 

why I wear 

my hat so low
That’s the to show
That I’m not trying 

to put on show
I’m humbly here 

 facing my fears
After all these years
It’s my time shine
but I don’t need to be seen
I rather be heard 

and respected
for words
so I get attention
I want my words
to leave you 

with a level of reflection
I want you dig deep
see if you sink to my level 

of  my thoughts

Without feeling like your lost
Or confused
trust me my words
might do that to you
men ,You might question your ways
Or how you treat your girl
And ladies, I might make you think
like why I am I still with this creep
or he deserves more then these words that come out my mouth
Or parents I may have you stuck
trying figure out where you messed up
and how to fix your relationship
so you and kids aren’t so distant .
See the words I speak
may make you feel like your giving in
and defeat is at your feet .
But I’m here to say
I’ve been through it all
and what pulled me
through is having faith in God
and continuing to stand tall
no matter 

How many times I may fall .

Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah

Concrete rose

Welcome to my garden
Don’t beg my pardon because you’re starving
You see this rose will be all up in
Your nose and you will be craving for the secret in my garden . But that don’t get revealed easy
So breathe easy
Get to know Me
How I think
How I see
Don’t you see me I think deep
Blue roses unattainable , purple roses loyal , pink roses love , red roses passion , my garden is filled with plenty satisfaction
But I won’t let you water my garden if your ways are tainted because my garden today is as beautiful as God created . Untouched , unmarked and not jaded by the hands or the spirits of beneath where I rose from . the shit I ate fed my stem a I blossomed to a rose that’s all in your nose smelling so good comanding your attention as I continue bloom but give space I need room
To see if the things you say will make me wilt or wither away or will It add a rose to my secret garden …. trust… then I’ll feed you when you’re starving . Because you water my garden with sound of your voice and fed my garden with your words of wisdom and your thoughts so deep .
You encouraged me
To keep fighting for what I believed in
You taught me things I couldn’t see
Now I can see I’m a concrete rose . Beauty you can’t take away
More to meet the eye
You don’t even have to water me
For me to survive . Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah

A personal relationship with God is all you need

They say there’s no condemnation in God .
So how does this work ?
Should I hold in my feelings
And not release my hurt
Or should I continue to hide
My pain by tainting my soul
Because the words you are
Saying won’t let me let go
This makes no sense
I hear the scripture you say
But by example I hear a whole bunch of fear hiding your truth
Scared to talk to lost souls.
Why won’t your words set people
Why is it so difficult to say once
Upon time this was me
Or I still struggle today
We’re no different
We’re the same
You paint a picture of a perfect
One without hurt or disgrace
So when I sin it’s hurts so
Much more within
So I hide my face and try
To ease my pain while I’m fading
I’m sorry I can’t live up to your expectation of your perfect slave
Filled with guilt as we pray
Your orders are filled every single day
You fill your home with food I could eat
While you wear the best and
I sit around waiting for pain
In my chest to end
This doesn’t make any sense
So I close my eyes and open my heart and praise harder than before .
Your words I longer hear cause the Devils lurking at my door
I guess it time to believe in the truth and open the bible for so many are living proof
Just remember you scared me away
But that doesn’t mean I don’t pray or want change
So now it’s my time to tell my truth I don’t need your space to witness Gods grace Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah ©

ADD? , I beg to differ !!!

Why won’t you look at me
Are your eyes blind to see
You’re only going to get one mother
Look me in my face
Stop looking away
Can’t you just focus on what you
What can I do
I do my best to love you
But your constantly treating me
Like a fool
I support you in anything you do
I try to convince you to
To love me to
I guess the dr is where we have to go
But I’m not going through the school
They’re not going to get the satisfaction
While prescribing a drug to shut
You up
I think it’s discipline
Is what you need
Consequences behind your bad deeds
Not something you washed down with water
To eAse our pain
Of once upon time living insane
Let me put this mirror to my face and realize what needs to change
“Get out my face, you’re annoying , can you find a friend ”
Those were the words I realized stuck in your head .
So before I tell the doctor your out of control
Let me look at myself and realize
I was the one who had to learn self-control … Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah ©

Baby I deserve !!!

The good in me outweighs the bad
The transition in me is probably hard to believe .
I know there’s more test to come but that’s ok cause armor of God is on .
So you can’t stand in my way
nor will I be a slave to your tainted and jaded ways .
So I wake up and I pray and hope God only takes the place of the Devils place .
I deserve love
I deserve someone
who never gives up .
I deserve someone who sits under a tree with me
Or kisses me on my forehead
After a long day
I deserve a man who trust my words
And is not threatened by my friends
I deserve a man who loves my kids just like his
I deserve a man who loves God first and is not afraid to tell the world
I deserve a man who doesn’t get high
And a man who doesn’t add to my pain
I deserve a man who understands the things I love to do
I deserve a man who goes out his way
A man who takes his time
A man who’s mAn enough to take the lead
A man who teaches me something new
And shows me things ,
I never seen
A man who’s not stuck in his way
And is open to trying new things
A man who Has class that Rarely curses
A man who is a real man a hard-working man that values .
Life and his family above all
A man that will man up if ever I fall …
Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah ©

I was fragile …

My love is not easily giving away
So please don’t take advantage
Of my heart
I hear your words but your
Actions remain the same
Never thinking about me
And always walking away
How can you expect me not change
All the things you did
The jealousy the rage
That I remember from when I was younger
I did my best
But you kept putting
My heart to the test
By disregarding the pain in
My chest
How I hated drugs
And how I hated to fight
But things just got worse
Every time I tried
You never thought about me
And how I felt about things
I couldn’t even wear my old jewelry
And God forbid my friends wanted to get a bite to eat
That was the end of the world
Like I was going out to cheat
Mean while I was coming home to you
And you knew that was the truth
I got so tired of the shit …
And all the things you put me through
I cleaned , cooked , worked
I even smoked just to
Please you
And when I didn’t do that
I encouraged us both to grow
But you just didn’t want
to let go
Of your hurt and pain
And all the things
You felt as a kid
I even tried to reconcile your relationships that were ruined
since you were a kid .
I felt your pain
I just wished you
Felt mine
Only if you realize I did my best while you didn’t try
I fought for my son you
Thought that shit was a joke
And when special days came
you could careless about those days
I had to figure it out
And I did my best to save the day
I felt like I was never enough
No matter what I did
Not one day did I feel appreciated
So now your mad cause my heart
Faded away but what did you add to the table but heartache and pain . Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah ©

Good old 80 proof …

I was abandoned by my father , oh how that pain hurt so bad , I was abandoned by mother oh how that pain made me sad

I tried to have sex at a early age
And kissed every boy I didn’t care if he was older and a lot more mature
Flirting became a lot more fun to me watching men look at me like I was meat
Until I bumped into a few
That took advantage of my mind
So I gave it away freely
And some took it cause they choose me when I was blind to

I didn’t understand what I did
I was only showing them what I was taught as a kid
My life confused them I’m sure
That’s the truth

But how can I hide my truth
Clearly I was living proof
The pain hurt my heart and the truth
I had to hide
Can’t you see my skin is burnt and told many lies
Can’t you see I’m screaming out for you to see
Something bad happened to me
This is not who God intended for me to be

But the devil choose in the beginning
What he thought of me
To give me a reason to give in
And become a whore or an addict
But God didn’t allow me to accept that tactic

every time
I tried something new
He hit me worse than the truth
But the devil found his way to always get
And it was that good old 80 proof

And drinking too much showed me proof
So I took that 80 proof to the
Head as I hated life
Didn’t realize that 80 proof Wanted me dead mentally , physically and spiritually

that 80 proof always gave me the proof of who I didn’t want to be
Cause in the day time I loved my
Kids and family above me original by Rachel Shundari Ullah ©

No longer chasing dreams !!!!

Toxic thoughts can’t flood my mind
and neither can you mess up my state of mind …
What you bring to the table can be replaced after all the things in life I faced .
I can see your pain but I need to feel mine
it was only a matter of time
I knew this would happen but I’m ok
I understand there are things in life you rather chase .
The words I love you are so easily said but clearly not what you feel in your head ,
your heart may feel the things you need to feel but your mind is somewhere else I know the deal .
I respect your decision and your way of life , so I’ll let you go and won’t reach out or check if you’re ok because at the end of the day this is not ok
I’m tired of you thinking about only you and what feels good to you .
I can no longer be anyones fool .
Trust me you’ll miss me one day and turn around and say
this is one game I shouldn’t have played . Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah ©