4 years ago !!

image What I’ve learned about myself is that I run from my problems nd i
hate confrontation either i flee from them or i allow my anger to
consume me with pride ..Id rather deal with forced consequences then
deal things head on because I still have no self control at 34
I have very little tolerance for negative people in my life i
guess For that reason ..yet I made a poor choice that resulted in
nothing but negative attention nd I choose to flee once confrontation
occurred nd when I felt my character is being challenged nd I am
provoked or antagonized pride takes over …I still have so much to
learn …..I still have so much to
learn …..please pray for me

I forgive you , I forgive me ….

Confused about life
confused about love
even confused about the man from up above
How can you value life when life never valued you .
learning to love was the hardest thing to do
coming from a place that wasn’t average along with being so passive
finding out all the things
never knowing my mother past or
why my father had to pass .
Hurting on all levels so I singe my skin
hoping someone will look a little harder deeper then all my sins .
Notice me please I just need to be seen
please mommy don’t forget about me ,
I’m just a little girl
trying to find her way
so you take me by my hand and now we are on our way
never did I expect to be replaced
one of the hardest things I had to face
.I became bitter sad but true
I hated you so much I didn’t know what do .
As time went on I realized we were so alike but different in hindsight .
Now that I have my kids and I clearly understand what it is you initially planned .
Unfortunately the drug took over your heart
and you and all your kids had to part .
I don’t blame for all you did you were deprived as a kid .
Deprived of love and peace in the heart
so many raped you from the very start .
So now I stand tall and understand your truth and all the things you wanted to do .
So my promise to you and my kids I will be victorious I promise I will win !!! Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah ©

You said it best !!!

You said it best ,
All is fair in love and war …
you’re the reason I still stand tall .
I watched you fight when I was a kid and never give in .
You taught me how to handle myself in the streets and never allowed me to accept defeat ,
as you handled yourself with class grace
regardless to all things you had to face .
Your strength amazed and so did your mind
it was only a matter of time
that I learn move the way you did .
You smiled when you hurt and laughed when you cried
so no matter what no one ever knew you were dying inside . You loved genuinely
even though you fought through the truth
and let no one know how all your demons had a hold of you .
But I can relate cause that’s fight I had to face
and I had to learn to survive no matter what was killing me inside .
But when I think back to when I was kid
I remember a mom that never gave in . I salute you and your heart and the fight fought even though our time was cut short . Just know your love was more than enough
to make me never want to give up !!! Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah ©

It was me ….

Driving without a destination
Running out of gas
Loosing all control
When will the pain pass
I’m tired of fighting
the devils in Btwn
Loosing my sense
Loosing my faith
I can’t breathe
Why won’t you stop me
I’m dying inside
The devil is chasing me
I can’t breathe
There’s no one to help me
As crazy as it seems
The devil is chasing me I can’t breathe
Stop for a minute and think about me
I never wanted to be this person
I can’t breathe
I’m loosing my air and crying out loud the devil is chasing me I can’t breathe
Lord please take this pain away I can’t breathe the devil is chasing until I realized it was me … Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah © / Earth Mecca