Unconditionally loving me …

Memories trickling
down my face
pain weathered
feels like a knifes embrace
Lust feeling like love
Missing the words
That you use to say
You know the words like
good morning
have a good day
Or good afternoon luv
what are you up to
have a good night baby
I can’t wait to see you
the minute you seen my eyes were only on you
You stop trying
You started Acting brand new
songs you sent me
Turned to lies
Lies followed by a disguise
Watching me cry
Lust leaving me to feel incomplete
Thoughts wandering
A bleeding heart
What is love I ask myself ?
Is love unconditional
What does that mean
Words without action
No in between
You breaking me down
Is that ok
Throwing my past
in my face
And I should stay
what does that mean
Does that mean you can you love you
before you love me
that word is so deep
So I should stay
when you play
those Devilish games
what a word to use
Unconditionally loving you
While you unconditionally abuse me
This word is crazy
How can I unconditionally
love you
if I don’t even love me
I think it’s time to use that word differently
and unconditionally love me and conditionally love you
Your not adding to my reflection in the mirror
You’re taking away
My eyes are blind
I can’t stay
that word needs
to be understood
I wouldn’t have no problem loving you unconditionally
if you’re words were true ! Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah

my shame , your gain …

Expecting me to fail
Think again
Life challenges
I’m use to it
I will rise to occasion
Leaving mental and emotional
I told you not to push me in a corner
Or leave me without a choice
But to fight to survive
Surviving is what
I will do
Until my foot work
Speaks for itself
I won’t let your ways
stand in my way
Or make me feel hopeless
without life
Faith in God
Is what keeps
my feet from slipping
after all the strife
Taking me to a place
Where I’m no longer free
Emotionally Imprisoned
by you
never again
I will be
Chains locked
without a key
Bonded by the ways
And the place you
Mentally put me
Until I realized
hating you
I was still
hating me
So spiritually
I decided
to set myself free
By forgiving you
For the things you said
you would never do
Like saying words
That took away from me ,
To benefit you
Verbally trying
to destroy me
Emotionally abandoning me
Spiritually jading me
The only thing you didn’t do
Is physically lay hands on me
The scars that remain
from the words you say
Caused a lasting pain
Why do I feel bad
for the things I did to myself ?
Me Confiding in you
Was the tool you used
Against me
to make feel
Like a fool
Throwing the pain
I caused myself
Was the only words
you could use
you put me in such
a healthy place
placing a mirror to my face
Realizing it was
my poor choices
that added to my pain
That was day
I really changed !!! Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah

Let’s give our youth hope !!!

Life experience
never stopped me
The block never
Loved me
The streets try to beat me
The devil couldn’t defeat me
My faith became stronger
as the days became shorter
Nights became longer
Where to turn ,
where to go
I see the world constantly putting on a show
Whose the truth
let time reveal it all
I hear your words
I pray
I see action too
My eyes are focused on the things that truly matter
Who cares
about lights
camera action
I want all kids
off the street
Finding peace
in all the things
they couldn’t see
Emotionally vulnerable
willing to learn
letting someone
who genuinely cares
Take a turn
Changing the mindset
of the hurt and confused
Showing a side they never believed was true
Someone loves and cares for them too ,
someone that’s not selfishly thinking
how To capitalize off the things they do Never really
taking the time
to understand their life
and the void
they feel deep
down inside
living a righteous life
Is furthest from their mind
That’s why they don’t focus on graduating
they get high
Rob or sell drugs
It’s because parents , teachers police and people who live in all
communities are giving up ,
except for a few !!!
Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah

Stop killing the innocent !!!

The problem is the cops
that think they are
above the law
Some Cops hate the
the minority race
And hate runs through their veins
Some Cops
have been hurt
and abused from their youth
or bullied in school
So the control they get is something brand new
You put a gun In their hand
So above the law
is the religion they choose
Those kind of cops
are out to kill
Proving a point
when there’s nothing to prove
Physically venting
because all the shit
they been through
Some cops
will drink
till their blind
but no worries
let a fellow
officer sees this
and they will
make sure
Not a trace left behind
the colors they
show when they come is red , white and blue
But because of my experiences
They Put the same amount of fear in me as the racist , crips and bloods do .
The difference with them is
They’re legalized gang
treating all people the same
With disrespect and disregard for family and life
How is it
on your salary
your watch is shinning
so bright
Makes me wonder
if you’re living
a righteous life
Or are you living
the life
Taking from the thugs
that you beat in the street
Vouch what you need
to make your case complete
The rest is yours ,
you call the fruits of your labor
Knowing damn well
the city
didn’t give you that paper
it doesn’t matter
as long as you’re in control
Control of the people
you couldn’t do shit to
without your blue soul
Or badge
to claim your somebody
in the street
Today is the day
you’re faced
with the truth
And face to face
with a challenge
words that trigger
Your feelings
Emotions running high
you’re loosing
Your mind
You’re trembling
from the sight
this may be your time
Is it karma
that is staring you in your eyes
So you pull out your strength
pull the trigger multiple times
you could of shot them in the leg
but instead
you shoot them in their
chest or head
now they’re are fighting
for their life
All because you’re
trying to kill your demons
never realizing you didn’t even have a valid reason … Original By Rachel Shundari Ullah

A love like this ….

Back to the basic
but nothing simple
Reminded how life can take you for ride
You think you’re all good
Until your faced with all the lies
How do I start all over again
Pushing myself to a new level
Understanding my body is my temple
And I can’t give it away to anyone
Time to learn myself more than before
Like the things that make me feel free
Emotionally safe
Spiritually In Tuned
With the things I love to do
Loving my life today more than yesterday
Can’t allow anyone to take away from my reflection
I apologize if you feel the rejection
It’s nothing personal
my heart is bleeding for things I’ve been missing
I’m happy within
not scared to be alone
But never afraid to one day call a man my own
Secrets never told our
bond is so real
I’m not threatened by his movement his
Words never questioned because he shares his days and nights
I know some may get a glimpse of his eyes but I’m not scared cause I will make sure when we are together his eyes will be engulfed in mine
As I smile and speak of only the things that emotionally make him feel alive
Mentally stimulate him at the same time
Loving my mind and my actions that follow my words
A woman willing to give him the world
Counting me in
because I never
counted him out .
This love is we will share is real without a shadow of doubt
We will share our dreams and where we fall short
He will let me passionately get my point across
And I’ll allow him to respectfully tell me How He feels
even if it means
putting his foot down and letting me know the deal.
I’ll hear his words and not just listen to what he says
I will never allow another person stand in our way
I will never question the way he feels as long as he continues to love me the same
Keeping me sane when things don’t go my way
by comforting me but not pacifying my heart .
Understanding that sometimes distance can make relationship fall apart .
So whether he’s at work or spending his day being a man
I’ll understand as long
as he add me in some of his plans
and treat me like his lover and his best friend . This is the kind of love I believe will never end !!! Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah

Living my life

The things
that should have
broke me
built me
Being forgotten
Left confused
Learning that
no matter what I feel
I can’t let life slide by
Too many blessings In disguise
I rather ride the wave of life
Then just survive
I love the depth of the waters
where left with no other choice
but to swim
Shallow waters bore me
No more watching
life pass me by
I need to see
the Fruits of my labor
Witness them with my own eyes
See what I work for
not let one day
pass me by
Success will
always be a reason
I strive
but the riches
I get from my family
is a feeling I can’t describe
Loving all my blessing
even though I sit alone
Knowing one day
God will bless me
with someone to call my own
Little by little
I know he’s testing my heart
What is it I can live with
or what can I live without
Drama never being
a part of my life again
Jealousy or tears
that never end
Loving the ones
before me
Unity within my family
no longer feeling incomplete
Smiles that shine
Laughter that leaves
a sense of peace behind
Eyes that don’t lie
hearts that are now alive
Priceless times
Love you can’t deny
Glowing outside
Taking it all in
as time passes by
The peace I get
from absorbing
The moments I always lived for
Wondering what it would be like
if someone just told the truth !! Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah

Blueprint ….

Don’t remember my face
for it will forever remain the same .
Remember everything I once was too you
and all I gave
remember a soul
that you will forever miss , remember my mind
and what It initially thought about you ,
Remember all the simple things I loved and how I was true
and once you remember all of that remember how you didn’t even really take the time get to know me ,
so you never had a clue …
Now your lost
and confused ,
But I told you how
I would move .
I’m willing to
Own where I fell short
If you’re willing to admit you pushed me away
Playing all the manipulative mind games you play
Your passive aggressive ways
No longer leads the way
I’m tired of bowing down
to make you feel complete
When your words strip me
A make me feel like whore in
the street
You question my character like you can’t see
A little cleavage doesn’t mean I give my love away easy
Maybe it means I feel sexy today
Or maybe it makes feel slimmer then yesterday
your nasty words tell me what you think of me
Like I don’t have dignity
And I don’t carry myself with respect
Social media don’t mean Shit to me
Do you see me showing my ass for likes
I’m showing dinner that was right on time
and I love my family more than life
It’s hard to count you in
When you constantly count me out
The words you say change your face
I’m learning to block everything you say
My music is speaking words you should be listening too
But your running around looking for a clue
Verbally Communicating I tried to do
That phone in your hand tells the truth
You should have taken the time to read the blueprint I gave to you … Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah

Fluid strength

Breaking through the waves of life
Finding peace deep inside
Living free
Seeing clear
Facing all internal obstacles
with ease
The pain I once felt
Is no longer part of me
So I breath
and take the next step
No longer limited in my head
The feelings I get
are all heaven-sent
The love I feel is real
Feeling free
loving me
Spirit bounded
no more
Feet stable
Heart once cold
is now warm
I never thought
I could get to a place
where I pray
and learn to have faith
in heavens face
I’m watching
all my troubles
be washed away
Crashing waves
is what I see
This feeling is great
The strength of the water
is now a part of my soul
Knocking all the walls down .
That held me back for so long
Not understanding why
No one understood me
Silently Living in pain
The mirror no longer reveals my ways , insecurity that lied so deep within me
The reflection I see today is exactly how God made me before the world took my spirit away… Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah

you have nothing to lose !!!

It’s hurts to watch your spirit fade
Don’t let a man change your ways
Stay beautiful , the same
one day a king will come and change your name
A man that calls hisself the N word can never understand your pain
Because he’s to busy living ignorantly living in vain
Queen remember this
You deserve to reign
To be respected
, understood
You don’t deserve to feel like you always do
Crying to get your point across
Praying he finds a clue
Not valuing his family
Acting like he has nothing to lose
Like a woman who will always be true
Or holds him down when the world is cruel
See queen you’re the one that hasn’t nothing lose
He hasn’t shown more than his words not being true
Taking away from the way you see your face
Or how you feel when another woman temporality takes your place
That type of man is a natural disgrace
And trust me is easily replaced !!! Original by Rachel Shundari Ullah